Conflict
by Lindenbay
Summary: In the aftermath of their latest battle, the leader of the First Order explores his dream connexions with a nameless scavenger and finds what it means to truly want he cannot have, to be what he is not supposed to be, and claim what is not his. [Kylo Ren x Rey]
1. The Equinox

**Disclaimer For All Chapters:** _Star Wars is the property and creation of George Lucas; this work does not make any profit and neither does the author claim ownership over publicly recognized characters._

 **Warnings:** language and sensuality. Readers, be advised there are some spoilers from the latest film! This is my Christmas present to all my Reylo fans out there. In the recent instalment, I think there were some good foundation pieces laid out but a lot of ambiguity. Let me know what you think! ~LB

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 ***~.oOo.~***

He stood close to the ruins of the throne room, dispassionately surveying the damage that he had wrecked upon it only a few weeks before. The obsidian throne itself was blackened and stained with the blood of his inconsequential adversary; its ancient glyphs were worn off and along with it, whatever dark prophecies they had foretold. He had forbidden anyone to come near it; he preferred it this way. A monument to his great triumph and usurpation of the imperial crown.

Kylo sensed Hux's eyes at his back, watching with unguarded jealousy and resentment. Deciding to indulge the insufferable general, he reshifted his attention.

"I believe it's your turn," Hux said in a rather ungracious tone.

Kylo merely looked at him. Flushing at his mistake, Hux pursed his lips and forced himself to say: "Supreme Leader."

Satisfied, Kylo returned to the table where Hux was seated across from him. A chessboard and a square of marble were the only things that stood between them in this red room. A droid had provided glasses and wine but neither players took the refreshment. That was a courtesy reserved for friends and allies, not of an emperor conferring with his most-hated servant. He hardly spared a glance as he picked up a bishop wrought in ebony then traversed it across to take Hux's ivory queen, placing the general's king in peril.

"Check."

"I never understood," Hux observed in dissatisfaction as he scanned the board for alternatives, "why the queen was made to be the most powerful piece in the game."

"It isn't." Kylo corrects him. "It's simply the one with the most moves and positions available than all other pieces."

"Then why wasn't the king given the same power? A king's consort can make more moves than himself?" There is a degree of insolence in Hux's inquiry that Kylo does not appreciate. He pauses from the game to look at his opponent.

"What are you implying, General?"

Hux glares at him with unmistakable scorn before launching into his attack. "This is the second time you let that girl escape and beat you—"

Immediately, Kylo leapt up and threw the table aside, scattering the game and pieces all across the obsidian floors. "Take care to whom and what you say!"

"I am speaking to the man whom I found on the ground, unconscious I might add, and who failed to protect his master!" Hux dared to shout. "The empire may have accepted your new title but they don't know what I know or have seen. You're distracted and obsessed with that woman."

Kylo did not even have to raise a hand to close in on Hux's throat, willing it to be crushed into silence and feeling the oesophagus squeeze dangerously to a tight grip. The sudden seizure is strong enough to pull the general out of his seat and tumble to the ground.

"Do not think," Kylo threatens to Hux's cowering form, "I am keeping you alive because I enjoy your company. You are here because you are one of the few generals left to me. But that favour can only last you so long. Speak to me like that again, I'll skin you alive."

He loosened his hold, leaving Hux to cough and gasp his way to a normal breathing pace.

"Get out of my sight."

Hux did not need telling twice. Pulling himself up, he threw one last look of fury at Kylo and withdrew from the throne room. When he had gone, Kylo turned to look at his surroundings once more, only to see the cracked vestiges of a marble board and his chess pieces in a scatter.

With one deft movement of his finger, they lifted from the floor to begin a slow orbit around him. The pawns, rooks, kings, knights, bishops...the queens. Slowly they came to a rest upon his outstretched palm, the ivory and the ebony. He let his finger trailed against their long bodies to the tips of their crowns as it wandered over the contrast: light and dark.

Enfolding his gloved hand over them, he pressed his lips against his fist and focused, actively seeking beyond miles upon miles of dark expanse clouded in white from nebulas and distant galaxies...the ship. He could see its tattered hulls and battered stern, even glimpses of the Resistance naval crew as they walked by on the bridge but that was not what he was looking for.

He came closer.

The empty beauty of space eclipsed Rey's bedroom window as the ship passed the void in silence. Lying on her bed in apathetic exhaustion, she hugged her body with a twist of blankets, unable to sleep or stay awake. The pattern was wearisome: run, hide, fight, run again. Had she really been on Anch To and trained by the fabled Luke? Had she truly fought on par with Darth Vader's heir? All these legendary encounters yet she felt not much progress had been made nor could she discern any noticeable changes within herself. Heroes were supposed to come with glory and honour, not empty-handed.

" _The longing you seek is not behind you…."_

Instinctively, Rey huddled close.

" _It is ahead."_

In the vastness of time and distance, she felt an ever-familiar pull as she was dragged deeper into a state of in-between where the stars elongated into white streaks and the warmth of her quarters gave way to a cold throne room. Her bare feet touched the splintered marble tiles but did not take on dust or debris. She walked the scarlet halls with trepidation, remembering what happened here the last time. The fallen knights were gone as was the monstrous king yet on the dais, the empire's throne remained intact. This was the closest she ever got to that proverbial seat of power. As she approached, it seemed to her that it was much smaller and darker than what she had remembered in her nightmares.

"I'm glad we can continue our conversation."

Rey stepped back, nonplussed. She could never get used to this. To always be taken into his unguarded moments and her own. It was as if the universe was actively testing her limits to see how far they could be pushed.

"Don't be afraid." Kylo Ren outstretched his hand in a reassuring gesture although she did not dare take it. "I won't hurt you. I can't anyway, at least not like this."

"But you would, given the chance," Rey replied not without bitterness.

He inclined his head to the side as though to think it over. "Is that what you really believe?" He asked at some length. "I could have killed you back there, many times, in fact. But I chose not to."

"I could say the same for you." Rey levelled her gaze with his. "I don't know what it is you want from me. You made your choice and I made mine. Let's be done with it, Ben. We can't keep doing this."

She expected it the connexion to end right then and there. Yet the longer she waited, she found herself still standing across from him and felt his tangible presence. He too seemed surprised at her stay and drew himself up to his full height.

"You're not angry with me." He observed. "About Luke."

He was right. She could not deny it. She did not feel any rage or sadness over Luke's passing. Given the circumstances, it had been a good death and one out of pure choice. She could not have said the same for Han and the memory of it still cut her.

"All he ever wanted," she brought herself to say, "was for you to understand and use the force as it was meant to. Not to build empires or tear down republics."

The look he gave her was….she could not read it the way he could with her own visage and expressions. Inscrutable, certainly, and perhaps it was her own wistful imagination but she thought she could see a flash of regret in those eyes. His was a face that had no pretence to beauty nor did it carry any of the hallmark traits of his famed lineage to be recognisable. All those lines and scars across his cheeks belied his youth. If she really tried, maybe it would have been possible to trace out a degree of softness. Some hint of a smuggler's kindness, even a princess's regal bearing and dignity. Anything to link him back to what she believed was his true calling. Yes, she still believed it. She had to. She wanted to.

Unwittingly, she outstretched a hand.

Then it all came back to her—bursts of red salt crystals scattering into the sky like sparkling drops of blood, men's screams, the rocks as they shifted away at her command, Leia's grief over her lost legions and her son.

In disgust, Rey drew back and found herself back in her room, alone.

Her phantom was gone.

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 ***~.oOo.~***

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The next time he sees her again, it is at her table. She has just finished tea with someone. He notes from the empty chair, a second cup, and a plate of biscuits placed across from her. Her contented period of introspection is interrupted at the sight of him; the break can be acutely felt. Later on, he learns that when she is in a state of calm, it is easy to be taken into her consciousness and by that logic, he supposed, it would hold true in vice versa.

"You really should stop doing this." Rey gets right to it.

"Likewise."

She looks annoyed and at some point, she says, "It must be because we were talking about you."

His eyes flicker over to the table arrangement, realising at once whom she is referring to. When he was a child, afternoon teas with his mother had been one of their customary routines. As much as Leia tried to convince others that she was a soldier, there were some princessly habits she had retained in spite of herself. He recalled she even had a few jewels in possession, one or two bequeathed from Padme, Darth Vader's lost queen although they must have been long gone by now. He had always asked Leia about his famous grandparents but never got the full story let alone a straight answer. Not even Luke was willing to say more on the subject. Just that it was a love story that ended in tragedy.

"I have to say, I'm having a really hard time understanding how someone who cried when his pet duck died can turn into the Supreme Leader of the First Order," Rey remarks.

 _I should have killed you when I had the chance_ , Kylo silently rages, forgetting that she can sense his disquiet. To his surprise, she suppresses a laugh before it eases back into a neutral expression of contemplation.

"The things Leia told me about you, I almost can't believe it," she says, "but then I remember the conflict I felt in you and the future I saw..." She trails off, uncertain.

"What was it?"

For the first time in their exchanges, a smile graces her lips but it is not one of flattery. There is real sorrow curving around her features and depressing the dimple on her left cheek. "Why do you care?"

"I don't." He doesn't even attempt to hide it. "Whatever you saw is not the path I want but," he walks over to the table and grabs the chair with surprising tangibility to seat himself, "I want to see it anyway."

Her eyes betray her bewilderment and distrust. This must be what she meant by seeing the conflict within him. The dual pulls between knowing what she knows and seeing what she sees, Luke's warnings, their own discussions by the fire. In between is ambiguity where he seems to reside, neither good nor evil. Of all the things she holds dear, he is the only one that is in balance. How ironic.

He pulls off a glove and reaches out with his naked hand. "Show me." Her hesitation makes him impatient. "Show me!"

This time, she heeds his call and grasps his palm with her own. He is not prepared for the burst of light that engulfs them both in a whitening flash. Disoriented, he strains to discern his new surroundings as he is pulled into her vision. A rain of rose petals showers down on them in fragrant scatters from the sky, heralding cheers and roars from an unknown crowd. It is a sea of people from nearly every race in the galaxy, each one smiling and laughing in uninhibited joy but they are not looking at him or Rey. They have walked into a celebration and are mere spectators or so he believes until—

"Mum!" A pair of twins, beautiful as the day and looking as though they had stepped out of the sun, rush past him and fly straight into the waiting arms of a woman who bears a striking resemblance to Rey.

Only it _is_ Rey.

Transfixed, Kylo watches in fascination. She could not have been only a few more years older than what she was now. Her hair is loose and tumbling down past her shoulders in pretty tendrils as her dress seems to float about her in trails of white linen. He is stunned when it seems she catches his eye and smiles wide. This vision of Rey beckons and although Kylo does not move, he sees a man in grey coming towards her. He cannot see the stranger but knows enough to understand that Rey is waiting for him and there is more emotion on her face within this very moment than he has seen in all the time since he had known her. Her smile is growing, she looks so happy as do the children and his senses are afire. The fragrance of roses is intoxicating, the sun far too bright. Their cries of joy pierce his ears too keenly like gulls flying across the ocean.

Surely...could it really be...

But the dream is truncated and he finds himself back on the plane of reality. Rey is gone. All that is left to him are the black walls of his quarters and the dull hums of engines underneath his feet.

Incensed, he whips around as though she is still there and shouts into the silence.

" _Rey!_ "

When she does not answer, he seizes a clock from his nightstand and smashes it to the ground, spraying glass everywhere.

Almost immediately, his doors open and a complement of guards rush inside, alarmed by the noise.

"Sir, are you—?"

"GET OUT!"

He is about to catapult them all but they retreat quickly, dutifully, until he is at last left alone again to brood on his latest disappointment.

He breathes hard, furiously working through all the reasons for her to disconnect at that particular moment. He had been so close. He may not have had the complete picture but believed he saw enough to know what was true. She could rail at him or the very universe but it wouldn't matter or change the fate's designs upon them both.

He was in her future.

As she was in his.


	2. Spring I

**A/N:** Thank you so much Readers for your very kind and enthusiastic response! I am really grateful to all of my followers (wow, there are so many of you!) and reviewers who took the time to comment. To those of you who had questions, yes this story is going somewhere and I'm doing all I can to update. This will not be about redemption but it is still a love story!

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*~.oOo.~*

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Despite Rey's protestations, Leia sends her away to a new haven on the grounds that she needed her best fighter to continue training somewhere without obstruction although the location itself is anything but new or safe. Naboo is an old world with deep connexions to the republic and empire, home to both rebels and imperialists, a fact that unnerves Rey. She would be spotted right away, she had argued with Leia. She didn't even have a lightsaber anymore. She would be better utilised in close conference with their current group.

That was when the general sighed and shook her head. "Do you think I'm sending you there just to relax in the lake country? Where else are we going to find allies and convince others to join? Consider this a diplomatic mission."

"Then why not send Poe? Or Finn?"

"Because you're _you_ ," Leia emphatically stated, "you've got a lot more persuasion than you think and you're better at being discreet than those boys." She shook her head at the mention of them.

"I should be here, protecting you and the others!"

"Rey," Leia placed her hands on her shoulders, giving Rey a distinct impression that she had made this gesture many times before, "if there is anything that I learned as a senator or a general for that matter, it's that to be part of the Resistance, it means more than being a good pilot or a Jedi master. It's about bringing people, wherever they are in the universe, together. To unify ourselves to a cause that we all believe in where we can ensure our lives can be lived out the way they were meant to: with freedom and dignity."

"But," Rey had to admit it was hard to counter this kind of wisdom, "I'm not good with words like you."

Leia grinned. "I don't think I need to tell you twice that you're a capable young lady. Now stop whining and get to Naboo."

A few weeks had elapsed since that talk and the memory of it only served to increase Rey's agitation. She felt stuck rather than making actual progress for fear kept her from reaching out to potential recruits for the resistance. Instead, she became more of an observer and in turn, was treated to sidebar debates among Naboo's citizens over the merits of re-establishing the empire or the republic. She had always thought it was a simple matter of black-and-white but hearing from ordinary citizens gave her pause. The Jedi brought their own downfall on themselves, they said, bureaucratising everything under the sun in the name of regulation and ethics. At least the Sith brought in economic progress, she heard a Naboo banker claim once. Or inequality, as another put it cynically, and then some.

If Leia had truly intended her to be the bastion of the resistance, she clearly had her work cut out for her.

Her stay was limited to the capital but as the days wore on and no results were forthcoming, she decided she had enough and went straight to the very place that Leia had expressly forbidden her from going. Why not? She clearly wasn't getting anywhere and needed a break from dualities.

When she finally did reach Naboo's lake countryside, she was unprepared to take in its oasis of sheer natural beauty. Azure waters poured into the basin, feeding the lush meadows and keeping them evergreen. Rows upon rows of jonquils, violets, and bluebells lent a jewel-like finish to the grass, scenting the soft spring breeze that sifted through her hair. It was everything that she could have ever imagined for paradise and immediately hoped that perhaps one day, someday, she could return to this world and call it home.

Encouraged by the temperate climate, she kicked off her shoes and happily roamed around the verdure. Her feet pressed against the grass and as she felt each blade slide right off her skin, she broke into a quick run. She rushed past the waterfalls and their distant roars as her heart quickened to a vivacious pace. If this wasn't freedom, what was? She didn't stop until she reached a spot where the grass was thicker and the water slowed to sluggish streams that poured into pretty pools rimmed with mossy rocks. Her entire horizon was dominated by the open blue sky, reminding her of Anch To.

The loss of her lightsaber still weighed upon her mind although by now, she knew from experience that things happened for a reason. If it was meant to be broken, perhaps she was meant to fix it just as she used to on Jakku. Still, just because she no longer had her sword, it didn't mean her training would be made less.

She had to start somewhere.

Closing her eyes, her hands began in slow gentle pushes that encircled the air as she moved her body in a catalogue of memorised patterns. She watched her breathing to coordinate it with her physical movements all the while drinking in her surroundings. The new growth of unborn trees feeding off the decay of withered blossoms and deadened grass. Birds flying in the distance to the cold winds that would eventually break their flight and kill them. Schools of fishes flickering beneath the seas in streaks of silver as the waves tumbled them out and led them into the awaiting jaws of monsters. Destruction was necessary for renewal and renewal could only occur so long as there was a seed, a spark. Anything that led to fulfilling the promise of life.

Her leg rotated in a perfect half rotation as her arms gracefully swung to a counter strike with her wrists bent. The wind was at her fingertips. Her hair fluttered once her head turned to meet her body's revolution then parted back as she raised her hands to the sky with trails of linen flying in their wake.

Streaks of sunlight shone in panes of yellow-gold at her feet as they stepped from grass, to rock, to black marble.

Kylo Ren allowed her to complete the last set, watching as she moved in concentric circles around him and remained unaware of his presence until he caught her wrist with his hand. "You're doing it wrong."

Startled, Rey nearly fell backwards, slipping against the floor. Nature had been replaced with the cold sterility of a room hewn entirely from obsidian and glass. A flat polished surface and mirrors for walls were all that she could see.

She barely had a moment to register where she was before turning on him.

"Why are you here?"

"I could ask you the same." Kylo Ren let go of her hand. "And you're actually in my training area, by the way." He observed her for a moment longer. "It's been a while."

She didn't know what to say to that and could only offer, "I've been busy."

"Yes, practising the Jedi martial arts in its entirety. Incorrectly."

"...you read the Jedi texts?" Rey was too stunned to be irritated or even angry. Had she more sense, she should have terminated the connexion immediately and walked away. Yet it occurred to her now that Luke was gone, she was speaking to the only other person in the world who knew the old ways.

"Your footwork could be better," Kylo Ren drew his lightsaber out and flashed it out into the ready, forcing her to retreat from him. He paused. "Where's your sword?"

At that, Rey had to raise a brow. "You broke it, remember?"

"That lightsaber was mine."

"It called to me, not to you."

The low hum of his sword is the only sound that passed between them as they watched each other with an equal measure of scrutiny. Unwilling to risk herself any longer than she had, Rey turned to go when she heard him call out: "I can teach you."

"I had a teacher." She slowly replied. "There's nothing in it for you by making me stronger."

"Let's have a deal then," Kylo Ren proposed. Pointing to her with his lightsaber, he offered, "since neither of us can control when the force connects us, let me teach you what I know. In return, open your mind to me."

"No," Rey refuses point-blank to what she considers to be a singularly unfair treaty. She did not need to imagine the possibility of what would happen if she allowed Kylo Ren to have unlimited access to her thoughts.

"I'll open mine to you," Kylo Ren said, keen to continue his negotiation. "I'll show you anything that you ask for."

This was the pivotal point. Rey was almost certain it was and for a moment, it seemed that they were back in that stone cottage on the hills of Anch To. Leia herself had said she was persuasive and the mission she gave was to recruit more allies. Well, why not add Ben to that list as well? If she could see into his mind, perhaps that would give her all the knowledge and tools she needed to convince him. Her own bargaining chip was a risky bet; she had to be careful not to reveal anything regarding the Resistance. Maybe, in these circumstances, this was the best agreement she could get.

Kylo Ren did not have to wait long before she returned his attention to him.

"What about my footwork?" Rey asks.

"You accept then?"

She dared to approach closer, demonstrating that she wanted to keep their discussion to their training. "Just show me what you mean."

Lowering his sword, he opened his hand and in moments, a flash of silver slid right into his palm. "You'll need a weapon." He offered the lightsaber to her. "It's not as good as what you had but it will suffice for now."

To his grim satisfaction, she took it without a word and turned it on, revealing a glimmer of green. He moved to the other side of the room and beckoning her to join, she complied to stand by his side.

"On my count," Kylo Ren said, turning out his feet. They moved at first slowly, repetitively in methodical low impact gestures as they kept their swords apace in tandem. Red and green flashed together as their hands rotated side by side. Turning away from one another, they came to a circle and rested to a stately orbit, sabres facing towards them.

"This type of martial art," Kylo Ren encircled her, "relies on the sensitivity to your adversary's movements and centre of gravity. It will dictate your responses."

Rey ambled along the same path, maintaining the push and pull of their respective energies. Focused and calm, she was the picture of a perfect student until she opened her mouth and said, quite matter-of-factly, "I don't know what that means."

He almost dropped his sabre in dismay.

Irritated, he tried a different tack. "It's a balance between gentility and aggression. You start slowly with low-impact moves then add the active and high-impact towards close ranges."

He broke their orbit to strike at her, red suddenly meeting green, before he stepped back, still keeping his blade at hers.

"Medium distances," he demonstrated then retreating even further to his original position. "And long ones."

They came together again with their backs to one another then turned to face each other again, sliding their electrified blades along until they came to a final cross.

"Then everything in between."

The glare of their sabres lit their features in terrifying coloured shadows, neither willing to let go of their parry.

"Now fight me," Kylo Ren taunted, "like you mean it."

This time, Rey did not hesitate. With a surprising amount of strength, she swung both of their swords down before freeing her own and raised to strike but he was faster. The moment their lightsabers collided, white light blew apart the darkened walls of his private quarters.

Staggering back, Rey found herself alone in the bright void and empty-handed.

" _Slow down!"_

She whipped around at the sound of Han's voice calling for her. It was strangely echoed as though he was far away, in some distant place that she could not see.

" _Slow down, Ben!"_

The light around her vanished into a glittering city and urban landscape pierced by the outlines of skyscrapers towering to the skies. She was in an aircraft—no, a speed racer—? Bewildered, she turned to the cockpit and discovered a decades-younger Han Solo glaring at her then returning his attention to a young boy in the driver's seat.

"You're going too fast, kid!"

"How else are we going to get there in time?"

"Don't get snarky with me."

The boy snatched off his earphones and mic from his head in impatience. "Then why don't you explain to Mother where we were?"

 _Ben?_ Rey was dazed. He could not have been more than ten in this vision she was seeing. His dark hair was much shorter, ruffled but not untidy. The harsh contours of his face had been smoothed away to a babyish finish; his green eyes were not shadowed in intensity but lightened in uninhibited curiosity as he regarded everything with bright interest, eager to take in what the world had to offer him. Only now, they were tilted up to Han in childish defiance.

Wordlessly, Han sat back into his seat, looking thoroughly disgruntled. It seemed the prospect of revealing to Leia where they had been was less appealing than allowing his son to speed into the city.

It wasn't long before Ben safely flew the racer and made an impressively stable landing atop a building. Even Rey had to admit, his pilot skills were admirably well-developed at such a young age. Certainly Ben seemed to think so too as he turned to his father with a smug grin.

"See?"

Han rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I get it, you're good," he relented as he reached over to give him an affectionate tussle.

In silence, Rey followed them as they unloaded the ship and made their way down the plank, carrying packed crates one after the other in a neat pile.

"Now remember kid," Han reminded Ben as they shifted a particularly heavy load, "under no circumstances, absolutely none, do we tell your mother that I took you on a job. Deal?"

"Only if you convince her not to let me go with Uncle Luke," Ben smoothly countered as they set the box down, "and let me continue my flying lessons."

Han sighed. "Ben….you know how your mother feels about that."

"Well nobody asked me how _I_ feel about it." The boy scowled. "I don't know why me wanting to be a pilot is such a big deal to you or Mother. Wasn't Uncle Luke one too? And Darth Vader?"

"Who told you that?" Han snapped. It was startling to see the quick turnaround of emotions at the mere mention of his former adversary.

"Well it's true isn't it?" Ben challenged although Rey sensed he was taken aback by his father's reaction. "He _was_ my grandfather."

"Your mother's father," Rey could see Han was struggling to maintain his composure in an effort to speak to his son civilly, "was Anakin Skywalker. That's all you ever need to know about him, there's nothing else."

"But he was a Jedi master and a Sith Lord too," Ben pointed out before muttering under his breath, "and a damn good pilot from what I heard."

"Hey! Watch your mouth," Han sternly reprimanded him, "I don't want you talking like that, _especially_ around your mother. Do you hear me?"

But Rey couldn't. Han's voice grew static and all of Coruscant blurred before her into nothing. But she did not return to Naboo. Panicking, she spun around. She was alone, and somehow, though she had no idea where she was or how she got there, she realised that this whitened solitude was something that was meant to last forever.

"No," her voice trembled. "No…. _no!_ "

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*~.oOo.~*

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" _No!_ "

A child's screams rent through the desert air, shocking Kylo Ren back into his new reality. The scorching heat of three suns radiated on his back as sand swirled at his feet. A little girl in peasant rags struggled in front of him as she fought to get out of her captor's grip but to no avail.

"Come back!" She wailed, craning her head to the sky and causing him to turn to look at the ship that flew past them into the wide open blue. It sped off in one clean glide, carrying with it all the girl's happiness and security. For one so young, her despair was overwhelming. He did not know how she could withstand it because he knew what was in store for her in the years to come.

She would spend the rest of her days as a drudge at the mercy of unfeeling creatures whose only interest was in squeezing out as much value from her as possible. She would know hunger, pain, even neglect. She would be forced to learn how to sleep at night without being in the arms of her parents and to cope with this emptiness, she would tell herself a lie. A story that would shelter her spirit from being broken by the harsh realities of her situation. She knew from overheard conversations amongst smugglers and thieves that many of the Galactic Alliance senators had fled from Coruscant when the imperialists overthrew them for the second time. It was possible that her parents were part of this contingent. They must have left her here for her safety, she told herself because they were important people. They must have been in mid-flight when necessity forced them to part with their only daughter.

They would return for her, she was certain. Until that time, she vowed, she would be industrious and do all that she could to educate herself with what was available to her so that when her parents returned, she would be ready. She would be good enough for them to take her back. It was this secret that filled her with purpose and a semblance of joy. But it was also to be the cause of her greatest disaster, and her lifelong grief.

" _No! No!"_ Rey's cries rang in Kylo Ren's ears.

"Quiet, girl!" The girl's gaoler gripped her unkindly but her sobs only grew louder until finally, out of sheer impatience, he brought out his deformed hand and slapped her on the head, knocking her into unconsciousness.

Instantly, Kylo Ren lit his lightsaber and slashed it through the Jakkian trader but his strike was impervious.

His would-be victim remained untouched and the girl he had tried to save remained on the ground, defenceless. In vain, he reached for the child but she was fading fast.

The sands blew across her small form and all around him in a slow whirlwind until nothing remained of the desert and the ascetic sand dunes of Jakku flattened to the obsidian floors of his own training quarters. Instead of a bleak horizon, he found himself staring back at his own reflection, sword still raised in the offence. And therein place of the child whom he had failed to rescue, was the woman she had grown into, sitting on the ground with her knees huddled around her and covering her face with her hands.

Clicking off his lightsaber, Kylo Ren came in two strides and knelt down.

"I saw you." He heard Rey whisper without raising her head.

"I saw you too." He said, checking the impulse to reach for her hand.

"You were with Han."

"And you were alone."

She swallowed hard, knowing instinctively that he had looked into her worst memory. She did not know if she could bear him reminding her again of who exactly her parents were and the reasons for their abandonment. _They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead, in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert._ Her eyes closed as she felt a tear slide down her cheek. _Whoever you are waiting for….they are never coming back. Never._

"Just let it go," Kylo Ren could feel the sadness emanate from her, "it doesn't matter anymore. Stop holding onto them."

When she didn't respond, he grasped her shoulders and forced her to look at him. The moment her eyes met his, he saw only fear, anger, and suffering. The unholy trinity of emotions that his Jedi tenets had taught him to reject unequivocally. Attachment was the path that led to such sins. Well, he was no Jedi knight so to hell with that.

He brushed a stray hair from her temple, his thumb and forefinger lingering in a gesture of compassion against her head. Slowly, he bent his head down until their foreheads touched. The seconds lapsed into minutes as their heartbeats and breaths synchronised as one.

"...did you really wanted to be a pilot?" He saw Rey's lips part. Tilting his eyes upward, he could see her brown irises highlighted by a slant of sunlight. The mirrors around them glittered into leaf-laden trees that moved ever so slightly by the spring breeze as if dancing to the sun. He could hear the sound of water rushing past them and feel the ground give way to softened grass.

"I just wanted to be something more. Someone that mattered." He answered truthfully, not taking his gaze away from hers. "Just like you."

All his years of training, all her time of struggling did not prepare either for what coursed through them now. The cycles of life and death, good and evil, joy and despair revolved around their centre of gravity. This lynchpin that held the two sides in perfect balance, that emotion called love. It transcended time and flew in the face of universal law. They could not see it but it was here. It was the weight of their consciences, the pulls in their stomachs. As tangible as the touch of their skin. And it was within each other's eyes, they discerned an embodiment of all those proverbial sentiments that sustained all lives within the star-crossed galaxies.

Then just as the epiphany set in, her hand rose to caress his cheek.

He could see she was clearly fighting with some inner turmoil. Her eyes conveyed distress, longing even. He felt her fingers dance over to his temple then gently tug at a few wisps of his hair. Finally, as if making up her mind, she moved forward and left a searing kiss on his lips.


	3. Spring II

"Why did you do it?"

The silence that followed was weighty, cautious even. His uneasiness grew then exploded into anger when he realised she must have been motivated by something else than attraction.

"Was it out pity?" He furiously asked.

"No."

"Then _why?_ "

Her eyes glared at him in anger. "To make you remember what you haven't lost yet. Who you really are."

"Ben Solo?" He dismissively threw at her. "I'm Kylo Ren. The Supreme Leader of the First Order—"

" _No_ ," her defiance unnerved him. "You're neither. You're just like me."

"And what is that?"

"Human."

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*~.oOo.~*

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If _she_ had meant to temper his restraints with the heat of her kiss, to fight fire with fire, it has only ignited him ablaze. The thought of her burns in embers within the recess of his mind and follows him everywhere: to his rooms, the halls of his dark fortress-ship, even the rare moments when he was left alone. As he half-heartedly listened to his ships status reports at the main bridge, his eyes would flicker over to the cold and colourless pinpricks of stars that dotted the black space, wondering which one she was hiding on.

On one such occasion, after the conclusion of the daily check-ins, he issued a rare order.

"Set a course for Jakku."

No one questioned or hesitated to carry out his wish. In moments, the ship's captain signalled their current navigational path to be rearranged with coordinates to the isolated planet. At once, Hux was suspicious. Kylo Ren could sense the general's sharp disquiet as it snaked around his limited brain and bit into his thoughts. It was amusing to watch Hux attempt to disguise his true feelings under obsequiousness and subservience, acting as if he was so very clever in deceiving a man who was more powerful than himself and in tune with forces that he had no dominion over.

"Jakku, _again_?" Hux repeated with ill-concealed incredulity.

Kylo Ren did not even deign to provide an explanation. "That's an order."

"Was there another droid carrying vital information that we missed the last time?" The general couldn't resist contradicting him. "Aren't we supposed to be after rebels?"

"It concerns one," Kylo Ren said offhandedly, thinking of Rey. "Alert me when we arrive."

When they reached the planet, he descended into its atmosphere alone without his full guard despite Hux's protests. From his pilot seat, he could see the makeshift trading shacks of the Niima Outpost dot the sandy landscape and as his aircraft lowered to the surface, he observed with derision a dozen or so smugglers scrambling out of the way to hide from his notice like ants trying to escape a predator.

The moment he landed, he got out of his seat and swept down the plank with murderous intent.

Screams of terror erupted all around him as his black figure stepped into view and ambled into the marketplace. Rundown stalls and tents blew apart in a smattering of dusty debris from controlled, pressurised blasts of the force. Good scattered into the sand in blackened ruins as exotic animals in cages squawked in fear adding to the pandemonium. Tearing away at the canvassed doors of a yurt, he came upon a conference of tradesmen cowering in fright at the sight of him.

"Which one of you," he asked in a deadly calm voice, "is Unkar Plutt?"

When no one answered, he drew out his lightsaber, causing everyone to shout and cry out in horror at the sight of its scarlet blade. Swinging it forward, he slashed a wide arc so as to cut down as many as possible in one stroke. The moment they fell back, lifeless, he turned to the strays who had been spared and plunged the sword into their backs as they tried to flee, slicing into the vertebrae and severing all the nerves embedded in the tissue. The deed done, he stormed outside, hellbent on finding the junk boss and taking out any trader that came into his line of fire.

By the time he reached the very end of the marketplace, he found his target.

The Crolute, a fat loathsome mass of a being, was hurrying to get on a cruiser in a desperate panic that was expressly reserved for the cowardly. The moment he spotted Kylo Ren, he bellowed out in sheer terror and tried to make a clumsy run for it.

Kylo Ren allowed him a few hundred feet before he held out his hand and willed the pig to come to him. Unkar slipped and feeling an invisible grip on his leg, he roared as he felt himself being dragged across the sand until he was stopped at the Supreme Leader's very feet.

"So you're the one in charge of this place." Kylo Ren could not have made his distaste plainer. "I expected no less."

"Wha...what is it that you want?" Unkar demanded. "Money? I've got lots! Tell me the price and I'll get it for you, whatever amount!"

Kylo Ren said nothing. Rotating a finger, he made a single upward gesture and in response Unkar floated from the ground with his blobby limbs glued to his sides. In silence, Kylo Ren approached him, never taking his eyes away from the creature as he delved into the junk boss' puny mind. The only thing this trader understood was coin. There was no capacity for empathy; if he saw suffering, he wouldn't have been able to recognise it.

"You made her work for you at a pittance," Kylo Ren observed aloud as he plucked out Unkar's memories as easily as one would pick a low-hanging fruit from a tree. His eyes suddenly narrowed. "You wouldn't even give her water when she hadn't scavenged enough."

"I don't know what you're talking—about—" Unkar's voice choked out as Kylo Ren closed in on his throat to shut him up and went even further.

"...you thought about selling her to a brothel, did you?" He intensified his grip on Unkar as he gained in. " _When she was only a child."_

Unkar gasped out, going blue in the face, but Kylo Ren refused to release him.

"Because of _you_ ," he bared his teeth, "she knew the pain of hunger."

The lightsaber lifted into view.

"And now you'll know that too."

Unkar's eyes went black as Kylo Ren skewered the blade into his gut. Forcefully, he drew it from left to right, slicing the abdomen open and allowing the entrails to slide out in a gush of bile. Kicking the corpse away from him, he watched the body fall in a crumpled sack of flesh and a satisfying thud of finality.

Stepping from the stinking mess, he turned on the living.

They ran from him to no avail. He turned his lightsaber on them, scorching them to death like moths drawn to the flame. Deafened to their screams, his mind went into a pleasurable blank as it counted each body that fell in his wake. They were nothing but nameless dregs of the lowest society and he didn't care whether or not they were innocent. As far as he was concerned, any scum who ever made a transaction at this godforsaken place was guilty of having done nothing to help _her._

Pulling apart the last of the market halls, he set them on fire and let the element raze the entire outpost to ash.

Turning away from the blazes, he headed south.

When he finally came upon the paupers' graveyard, he found it to be an unimpressive valley in which its' cliffs descended into a series of densely packed layers of sand arranged one below the other, going several metres down to bedrock and further into the desert floors.

Gazing at the vast emptiness, he outstretched both hands to the sands.

Rock and shale groaned from the effort as he forced them apart to reveal a chasm of a mass grave. A crowd of bodies, young and old, of varying species and states of decay were jumbled together in an undignified heap. At face value, it would have been impossible to single any out for identification. Yet the longer he looked at the hoard of death, the better he came to recognise out the trace signature he was seeking. Somewhere in this miserable tomb were Rey's parents.

"You deserved this." He lashed out to the dead. "Had you lived any longer, I would have found you and placed you here for what you did." His hand curled into a fist. "You can't hold onto her forever so give her up like you did all those years ago. Set her free so she can be who she was meant to be."

No sooner had the words left him, a sudden fire sprang into life and lit across the graves, burning away bone and rotting flesh into dust. He watched as the flames danced high over the remains in mad, furious jumps of bright gold and blue.

Fire destroyed and killed.

Fire also gave life and from these ashes, he dreamed of the day that Rey would rise from them. He was getting close. He could feel it, _knew it_.

 _Let the past die._ He called out to her in the darkness. _Kill it if you have to._

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*~.oOo.~*

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 _Clink. Clink. Clink._

With a final touch of the welder gun and chisel, Rey carefully set the tools down on the desk and held her newly-repaired lightsaber hilt in her hands. The metal casing looked good as before with the only noticeable difference in the grooves where she had added a delicate design of her own and the inclusion of tempered glass in the energy chamber. The only deficit in her weapon was that she lacked the crystal and for that, she had little ideas as to where to get one. Buying it was out of the question; what kind of money did she have?

She toyed with the idea of asking Kylo Ren for one but squashed it when she realised he would refuse outright. If he actually granted her request, he would ask for something in return and she felt she had already given enough. Her kiss, one could argue, could be considered payment but she had not bestowed it with any expectations. It had been a singular move prompted by what she could only describe as compassion for a man who had lost out on his childhood ambition to the wishes of others and who had expressed an acute understanding of her darkest insecurity.

Her safehouse in Theed provided her with privacy but was a useless vanguard against the noise and distraction. She could not think straight. Her sleep came in fits again. This was not a place for training much less for recruiting, that much was clear. If only she had a manual for how to convince people to join the resistance movement. She had tried to reach out to Naboo's hidden people: the servers who waited upon the tables of the rich, merchant-sailors, maids, small-time traders. They wanted little to do with her cause and warned her to keep her mouth shut if she wished to remain anonymous within the city.

"Why?" she had pressed to a serving girl whom she accosted at the alley behind her employer's manse. "The people whom you work for are not going to give you a world where you can live a better life."

But the girl merely gave her a blank stare. "They give me a good wage."

"We're fighting for your right to govern yourselves," Rey whispered intently, "for your freedom."

"Freedom don't keep the roof over your head or put food on the table." She muttered before withdrawing into the night. " 'sides, I heard you lot got destroyed on Crait. I'm sorry lady, but I'm not taking any chances."

This was the same refrain Rey heard over and over.

It did not matter who she went to, the answer remained unchanged. The Resistance was too poor and broken to be considered as a sure bet. Now that the entire galaxy had learned of Luke's demise and Leia's forces being diminished, the end was all but inevitable.

Walking the streets in her greyed cloak, Rey wandered deeper into the city. How was she going to do this? It was becoming hopeless though she didn't dare admit it aloud. Lost in her own ruminations, she did not pay attention to where she was going and when she finally realised she had gone the wrong way, she found herself in one of Theed's oldest districts. All around her was a series of dilapidated and hauntingly empty buildings that had once been a fashionable part of the city.

Getting nervous, she turned to find a quick route out when she spotted the ruins of a rotunda surrounded by a pergola that stood in an artificial lake. In its former glory, it must have been a magnificent structure to behold but it had failed to withstand the ravages of time. There was something there, she believed. The longer she fixed her gaze onto this decayed palace of the dead, the stronger her compulsion became. She had to see what was there.

It meant nothing to her and yet…

She stepped in.

Cold moonlight peered through the broken walls of granite to reveal an antechamber where a shattered sepulchre had been laid to rest. The tomb itself had been overthrown and blackened with scorch marks that suggested a great fire must have destroyed it long ago. Dried out leaves littered the floor in a sad disarray of brown and grey. Slowly, she knelt down to brush off the dust on the grave to discern a name or some hint of the identity of the person when she felt a cool breeze brush past her.

" _...I want to have our baby back home..."_ A woman's voice echoed from the shadows. _"Where no one will know…where we can be safe…"_

Rey shot up to her feet but there was no one.

Unnerved, she was about to run out when she felt something hard catch on her shoe and looked down. Bending forward to retrieve the object, she rose and brought it to the moonlight. A square of hand-carved japor snippet lay on her palm and at first touch, she could feel a little boy's hands working the material ever so carefully in the hope that it would win a girl's affections. Then came a surge of joy when she saw the ghost of a pretty queen smile and receive the boy's gift with genuine gratitude.

" _I made this for you,"_ a boy's hopeful chime sounded across time to reach Rey, _"so you'd remember me...it'll bring you good luck."_

"Ben?" Rey's voice shook in uncertainty but she knew this was not his grave.

It belonged to another woman, long dead and forgotten, who had lived in the glory days of when the Jedis were at the height of their power and the Siths were a mere rumour. So much memory, sadness, and loss were embedded in these walls. The lost architectural splendour of the Old Republic was a poor testament to the beauty of the queen entombed here. She could see it now, the black funeral cortege going past Theed's canals and bridges where thousands of its citizens stood in respectful mourning. Candles glowed as the silver bier made its way to her so that she had a glimpse of a pregnant woman's corpse dressed with flowers in her hair.

Rey stepped back, horrified. Why was the force showing her this?

" _Don't be afraid…."_

"No," she put her hands to her ears.

Another's sorrow was overwhelming her now. The grief was sickening to the core and threatened to split her spirit in two. She stumbled out of the mausoleum but not before she heard the voice call out in earnest:

" _There is still good in him…."_

"Who are you?!" Rey cried out to the awaiting darkness and glistening stars.

" _There is still good in him,"_ the voice whispered to her in the night as it retreated from her, _"I know it."_

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*~.oOo.~*

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"...what really happened to your grandfather?" He heard her ask one day.

Kylo Ren sat at the edge of his bed and looked beyond the walls of his room. So many weeks had passed since their last encounter that he had believed their connexion had been permanently severed. He could see her now, clear as day, standing across from him and waiting for an answer. He doesn't know what prompted her on this topic and underneath her bravado, he sensed curiosity mingled with trepidation.

"I thought you knew already," he told her, "Luke defeated him."

"Saved him." Her correction was automatic. "He saved Darth Vader and if he hadn't done that, you wouldn't even be here."

"What is it that you want?" He could tell she was looking for a fight again.

"Your grandfather didn't have just one chance to walk away from the dark side." Rey approached him and knelt down so that they could see each other eye-to-eye. "Just because it didn't work the first time, it didn't mean he was lost forever."

He wished he could break away. He did not like the direction of where this talk was going and couldn't bear it if she broached the subject again. The pull into her orbit constrained him. "Which means what?"

"Which means it's too early for me to just quit." Her hand reached out to cradle his scarred cheek. The touch was incendiary.

Pushing her away, he leapt up, furious.

"You think seducing me back to the light is going to work?" He shouted at her. "That it's easy for me to just walk away? You're a fool to believe otherwise."

"It isn't too late—"

Enraged, he grabbed a bedside table by its polished edge and threw it across the room, causing her to turn away. Wood splintered into jagged debris, outlining the invisible chasm that existed between them.

"It is! You even thought so yourself!" He pointed his finger at her in accusation. "What do you expect to happen if I went to your side? Do you think your friends would give me some kind of warm welcome? That my mother would ensure total amnesty?"

"You're not giving it a chance!" She was moved to passion herself. "Tell me honestly. Has _anything_ that the Siths gave you been worth it?"

She knew she had said the wrong thing. In two strides, he was at her side and for a split second, she almost raised a hand to defend herself against a possible blow but it never came.

"You think everything is black-and-white, that the force can only be one or the other but you're wrong. Forget the light. The dark, all of it. When I asked you to join me, I wasn't asking you to choose between good or evil. I was asking you to choose me." He forcefully struck his chest with his fist so hard that she flinched at the painful thud that followed. "Just me."

She searched his face and thoughts for deception, any hint that this was some magnificently stunning ploy he had concocted to throw her off guard. All she could sense was a frightening vibrato of agony and the cold sting of rejection wrapped in a sadness that she could not explain.

"You know it's true." She heard him say as if guessing exactly what she was doing. "Look into me and tell me that it's not." He dared.

"Even if it was," she turned from him, "I don't need you to feel complete."

"Then does it make any difference if I told you that I do?" He grabbed her hand and spun her around. None too gently, he guided the limb to the hilt of his lightsaber and forced her to grasp onto it. "If it doesn't, then kill me. Here. Now."

When she didn't make a move, he goaded her again as he let his guard down so her strike could be true. "You have your chance to save your precious Resistance for good. To be the Jedi-hero you want to be. So do it."

"It doesn't work that way." Rey's voice was reduced to a whisper as her eyes went from the weapon to his eyes.

"Good triumphs over evil, exactly how the stories go," he challenged, "so do what you have to do. I took down my father, the man you admired. I demoralised Luke, your teacher. I hurt my mother, your general. I'm the one who dethroned my master and usurped his place. This is what I did….and you can't accept that."

He waited for her to draw out the blade and have it done with. Silence dragged on as time passed in achingly slow intervals. Her fingers remained fixed but he felt waves of emotion crash against her like a stormy tide on a shore. There was so much distrust, plaintive bewilderment, and yes, anger. So where, he looked intently for it, was the hate?

"No, I can't."

Her admission came out like a death sentence. His mind went into a blank state of incomprehensible fury, all the while screaming obscenities at him for his fucking stupid bet that didn't work. Just what was he trying to prove? He expected the kill strike with bated breath when he felt her hand let go and he heard her say:

"But I don't want to give up on you."

In a rush, he was pushed to a wall and the moment his back hit it, he felt her lips and body collide with his.

They met together, again and again, tempered by shock then magnetised by mutual desire and desperation. His hands clumsily reached for her neck as his fingers wove straight into her hair, undoing its ties, as he clasped her to him and strained to take in every ounce of her before she could fade away or change her mind. If only this fix was enough to restrain his addiction.

He broke their kiss, glimpsing her confused agitation from the way her face was flushed and her chest was rising in shallow pants. He had never seen her look at him this way before and it was enough to compel him to grasp her in his hold again. Staggering from his sudden weight on her, she stepped back, hitting the opposite wall as she threw her arms around him again in a fervent embrace and went for his neck.

Kylo Ren felt his lungs struggle with sheer effort to breathe as he watched her fumble with his belt to undo his trousers. Stripping it away from his feet, she rose up, catching his mouth again in a hungry kiss when he returned the favour by tearing off the front of her garments with both of his hands. The grey linens fell unceremoniously to the floor when he suddenly reached down and picked her up, prompting her to straddle him before bending her head to bestow a series of heated kisses.

He guided them away from the wall, away from sense, and with clasping arms, they fell together into his bed.

Arms stretching and twisting around their bare backs, they tried to hold onto any part that they could of each other. The stars seemed to fall around them. He no longer knew whether or not they were in his chamber although he could still feel her skin against and the sheets wrinkling underneath them. But there were moments when he discerned a breeze, the languid sound of lapping water, even the sharp smell of grass as if they were outside.

He gripped her waist to his then forcing her legs apart, he peeled away at her leggings one at a time, never taking his eyes away from hers as he waited for her explicit consent and she quietly observed him. No sooner had she given it, she felt his hand touch her thigh and start his descent, trailing the length of her body on base instinct alone until his mouth reached—

A sigh escaped her.

Rey grasped a handful of his dark hair out of pure reaction. It ran against her palm so beautifully that she didn't know what she liked more: this or the coarse warmth of his tongue as it tasted and explored. A deep tremor ran throughout her when she felt his fingers slip in. Youth and inexperience caused her to respond in full candour as she pushed her hips forward, wanting more and growing dizzy with incessant need.

Power came in many forms, Kylo Ren had learned in his experiences. A throne, at the head of an army, the right side of the lightsaber but this….he intently watched the girl writhing before him as he mouthed the harshest of rhythms against that slit of plummy flesh. Every move he made was gratified by a throaty groan and a tightening of her hand in his hair. It was a sin for the Jedi to have deprived themselves of this and an indulgence for the Sith to have glutted on. He did not know which he despised more: the light's deprivation or the dark's consumption. She was struggling painfully against him now, imprisoned by his grip and her own want.

When she finally came, he didn't wait for her to recover and rising, his shadow cast over hers. His mouth went to her breast, eliciting a gasp hitched somewhere in between pleasure and surprise. It was all happening so quickly, so heatedly. She couldn't pace herself. Feeling a hard length press against her stomach, she shifted her hips and opened them wider to accommodate his larger frame then nestled back into the bed as he lowered himself on top of her and pushed in before drawing back for another.

There was—he couldn't think, a rapid river of emotions flowed from them both in courses that overwhelmed him. Compassion—desire—loneliness—greed—lust— _power_ —pleasure—agony— _ecstacy_ —passion—fury—

Rey's back arched at the pressure. He bore down, hearing the bed creak and feeling her clench which only drove him to push harder. He tangled his hand into her hair, curling the strands along his knuckles.

Resting his forehead atop hers, he could feel tendrils of her hair go moist in sweat. His breaths were growing ragged and short of exertion. Her teeth grazed the crook of his neck as she ground her hips against his to meet and took in every push, every pull. Revelling at the touch of naked skin along with a feeling that danced along the edge of pain and bliss, she gasped against his collarbone.

Her senses elevated into his as she became intuned with the sheer intensity of his kisses and the wild beat of his heart, mitigating whatever discomfort and pain she felt. Then again, she felt something like a guilty thrill knowing who was doing this to her. A kind of victory over an impossible conquest; the comparison was too irresistible.

Her entire body lurched forward, wracked with the heat of pleasure, and all that held her on was his grip as he heaved all of his weight. He threw back his head, brows coming together as a raw, maddening savagery drove him to the point of ecstasy. The line of self-control was wearing down to a thread as his body hit against hers over and over and over. High, unrestrained whimpers escaped her as his pace quickened. She was nearing the close and knew he was racing her to it.

The universe was spinning, her mind afire with a thousand stars and planets slow-dancing around her in their elliptical tracks. Her eyes gazed up to indigo skies where she could hear the distant songs of birds in mid-flight as she fell into eternity.

Then the thread snapped apart.

All sense of balance seemed lost as his hips rolled with hers and he gasped for air, crucified by sudden, exquisite ecstasy. It robbed him in an instant of all clarity, shooting him to an exhilarating height of euphoria. His shoulders slackened as he descended back to earth, gravity returning in slow intervals and bodies entwined, he collapsed beside her and held her to him, spent.

They laid close together, their heads perpendicular to each other as they drifted along the afterglow.

"Don't break away. Not now," Rey heard Kylo Ren tiredly whisper as a dreamless sleep was about to hold her fast. His hand closed over hers. "Please."

Her lips could barely move as she tried to say yes, that she would try to remain in this world where there were walls instead of trees and night reigned without the grace of day. She was so exhausted….

"Rey?" Kylo Ren raised his head.

His eyes travelled aimlessly until they came to rest on the empty side of the bed where she had lain. In disbelief, he reached out to the blank space as though she was still there but his fingers met only air. She had disappeared. There was not a trace of her left except….

Slowly, he sat up.

A minute trail of blood spotted the sheets like a constellation drawn out in scarlet. Here was tangible proof that it had not been a dream within a dream. That he had her, in living flesh.

He traced out the patterns then crushing the tainted fabric into his fist, he pressed his lips to them.

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*~.oOo.~*

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A spray of fine mist teased Rey awake and when she opened her eyes, she found herself lying half-naked next to a tide pool.

Dazed, she sat up as she tried to regain some semblance of her surroundings again. There was nothing but the blue skies and green meadows gracing the lake countryside where she had come for a second visit to escape from her failures in Theed. Not even a scrap of evidence that she had been locked within a First Order dreadnought.

Wincing, her hands flew down to her waist then experimentally descended further until they came into contact with a thick white mess mingled with blood. She gazed at the marbled stain on her fingertips, the memory coming back to her in vivid flashes with the pain serving as a reminder.

He had been real, after all.

Wearily, she leaned back to lie down, closing her hand over his seed and her blood then holding it to her heart.


	4. Summer I

When they met again, this time on an empty bridgeway in one of many corridors, Rey restricted it to a lesson, much to Kylo Ren's displeasure.

Grudgingly, he obliged, and after handing her a substitute lightsaber, they fell back into their usual pattern of repetition by emulation. But as the minutes dragged on, her cool determination to not broach the subject of their last encounter drew his ire for only shame and guilt would make her react to him this way. What had felt right to him had been wrong for her, it seemed.

"This isn't working!" She extinguished her lightsaber off in frustration. "I need my own. It doesn't feel right."

"Then repair the one you have." He lowered his own electrified blade.

"I don't have the—" She suddenly stopped, realising her mistake in revealing that her weapon of choice was no longer functional.

"Crystal?" He finished for her. The sullen silence that followed only confirmed his suspicions. Pacing in front of her, he pondered over what to do with this information and how to use it to his advantage. If she didn't love him, fine. Perhaps affection could be earned and won then in time, slowly, she could accept him. "I want to make another deal with you."

Rey was wary and for good reason. "We already have one."

"That's for my teaching. This is for a crystal." Kylo Ren raised his hand towards her in a placating gesture. "If you want it, let's come to a bargain."

"...what kind of bargain?"

He did not answer her right away and the more he prolonged the lapse between his reply, the greater her nervousness grew. Finally, without looking at her, he said, "There are things….that I'd like you to do whilst we train."

Rey turned away, repulsed. He had not gone into specifics but the implication was clear. "I don't need anything from you." She snapped. She wanted to leave and was about to do so when she felt him grasp her wrist and pull her towards him.

"I can feel your regret." His voice had hardened in anger. "If you hated me that much, why did you let me bed you?"

" _Shut up._ "

"Think about my offer," he leaned in so close that his lips could reach for her neck with ease, "every time we meet and you do as I ask, you earn the crystal for your lightsaber. One visit for every ten grams it's worth."

Her fury seemed to vibrate outside of her skin but to his grim satisfaction, he sensed a practical dimension coming into play. She knew such a commodity was difficult to obtain and her experiences as a scavenger had taught her how the trade worked. The terms were unsavoury yet the price seemed worth it.

"Triple for each visit," she negotiated, looking absolutely furious with herself and at him.

"Double." For her to merely agree, he was feeling generous.

"Fine." She grit out. "Now let me go."

He released her.

Stepping away from him to begin another set, she glared at him then deliberately held up two fingers to signify that she counted this meeting as what it was valued. Twenty grams. Not caring to suppress his smirk, he switched on his lightsaber, prompting her to do the same.

And so they began.

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*~.oOo.~*

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They fell into a curious routine as much as the force would permit. Some days, when Kylo Ren sensed an acute confusion, he knew she was reading the sacred texts again and was stumping over a concept she couldn't understand.

"You're over analysing _,_ " he would tell her, "don't make it more complicated."

"But it says attachment is forbidden then in this section, it says 'compassion must be exercised at all times.'" Her complaint reverberated across his thoughts. "How can you be compassionate to someone when you're not supposed to be attached?"

"An age-old question." Her mystification almost tempted out a jaded smile from him. Instead, he observed intently before telling her, "let your hair down."

She hesitated then remembering their agreement, she quickly unwound the tie, sending a short cascade of brown waves that fell just to her shoulders. At least this request was easy to comply with but she could not say the same for the effect it had on him. His looked as if he was waiting for something to happen but he didn't think it would and what exactly that was, she was afraid to define it. Was it only lust?

Love?

Embarrassed, she averted her own eyes. "You were saying? What exactly is compassion…."

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*~.oOo.~*

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"Show me your shoulder."

The simplicity and bluntness exasperated Rey. Annoyed, she pulled at the collar of her shirt and held it back to expose a naked curve of skin. Defiantly she held his gaze.

"More," he said.

She didn't want to. _The crystal,_ she forced herself to remember. She lowered the fabric to reveal both shoulders and a hint of her breasts.

The look on his face was like a sigh. She felt as though her own heart had leapt into her throat and swallowed hard, pushing down all of her feelings so they would not escape into expression. As they gazed at each other, a ripple of heat passed through her body as her mind flickered back to the memory of his lips against her own, his hips moving with hers.

At last, Kylo Ren turned from her and cleared his throat.

"Just focus on wrists today." He needlessly gestured by rotating his lightsaber in a deft swerve as she put her shirt back on in the right way. For once, she was glad that he could not see everything in her mind. Her heart was pounding and she refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

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*~.oOo.~*

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There were times when Rey wanted to ask him if he could see her surroundings as she saw his. She wondered if he could glimpse the glittering oasis around her or even feel the long grass trample underneath their feet as they moved in time. Then she would remember the dangers associated with him knowing her exact whereabouts and it was enough to kill the impulse. Still, when there was a particularly beautiful sunset or the lake country looked very green that day, she wished he could share in their beauty too.

Assuming of course, that someone like him even had the capacity to appreciate it.

"You're not paying attention!" He snapped.

Rey scowled. Nope, she decided, he had no capacity at all.

They encircled one another, lightsabers revolving in tandem, careful to move their footwork to each others' responses. Every action coming with a reaction. Her strikes have been no more than forceful vertical lashes with no clear direction, were becoming precise and fluid. Occasionally, she caught him trying to weave in a Sith technique and that got her demanding that they stick to the aesthetic they had agreed on. Still, she was intrigued when he showed her how to disarm with the force then make a single aim. It was too clean of a technique not to disregard and deadly effective.

With every lesson, she traded her insecurities and fears for his, leading to remarkable discoveries that devastated her and surprised him.

They had been lonely. They had wanted to believe they were special, that they were meant more than who they were. She, who had grown up with nothing, treasured sentimental possessions whereas he, who had been given everything, cast them as unnecessary. Sometimes, they fell into accidental swaps of eclectic facts about one another. He found out she needed a blanket covering her to sleep, even during summer. She learned he disliked being interrupted in the mornings and preferred to go about them in silent contemplation.

Under normal circumstances, a natural relationship would have formed for this was the consequence of such trades. But lessons were for memory and answered demands for a crystal. They had left each other with little to no middle ground.

 _No,_ Kylo Ren wordlessly countered, _that's on you._

"You're a Sith and Siths are absolutists. It's what you do." Rey retorted.

"Jedi don't negotiate with absolutists, isn't that right?" His lightsaber threateningly gleamed in the sunlight. "But you don't really have a choice in dealing with me because I have something you need."

"And I am someone you want."

For some reason, he wouldn't look at her and she knew why. She could see an all-too-familiar struggle behind his eyes, the crushing resistance of two paradigms bearing down on him to get out a resolve from him. Any. It was a sign of strength to hold onto something inspired by true compassion but also a weakness to acknowledge her as something he desired. Anger was coiling up inside of him and when he faced her, he unleashed it without care or restraint.

"You're nothing."

But the insult rolled off of her with little impact because she knew it wasn't true and told him so. Readying herself into another stance, she lifted her chin up.

"Not to you." She said.

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.oOo.

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She knew she would pay for that and she was right.

The next day, he responded in kind and tore off her sleeves so her arms could be showcased to the advantage of daylight. The day after, it was a kiss on the neck. Gripping her breasts. Hitching her skirts to her thighs.

"I don't want to train you today," he plainly told her once. Then before she could say anything, he followed up with the most impudent of his requests. "Lie next to me. Without clothes. Just that, nothing else."

She was livid and made sure to let him know it before forcing him to acknowledge that such an act was worth five times the stated value of their visits.

Her fingers flew as she stripped off her robes and unwound her hair in a brisk, business-like manner as though he was not there, watching her every move. Naked, she turned and to her vexation, she saw that he was still clothed. She paused, not liking this at all, as she was now the more vulnerable one for having been exposed.

Pulling her close to him, he guided her to the ground and was content to simply let her lie there with her hair sprawled across his chest and her arms entwined with his. It had been surprisingly easy to take him then yet _this_ was so much harder to bear. To be held in his arms and lulled by the sound of his breathing. Contrary to her expectations, he had been telling the truth. He had wanted nothing more than this and it was jarring to all of her preconceived notions. She felt his thumb and forefinger trace out the curvature of her back in slow, uncertain trails as though he couldn't quite believe he was actually touching her before looping over her shoulder as he mapped out the strange geography of her body.

She refused to look at him, it was easier that way.

Instead, she concentrated on the hollow of his neck and watched as it caved in when he placed his hand on her breast.

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.oOo.

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"Get up."

She refused and lay there on the grassy hill, panting.

A half eclipsed moon hung above her providing the faintest bit of light; her forehead glistened with sweat and hairs were plastered to the side of her face. Her lips parted but no words came. Only an unsteady pattern of breaths. Impatient, he reached out to pull her up to a sitting position by her shoulders but as soon as he let go, she swayed.

"Leave me alone." He heard her whisper.

He turned away in derisive frustration. He didn't know why he let her convince him to show her how to project herself using the force when the effort only drained her. She looked about ready to collapse. He should have known better than to have taught her this.

"You waste too much power. Learn to conserve your energy."

"I'm…trying…"

"That's not good enough."

She struggled to respond with an insult but nothing comprehensible came out of her mouth. It was obvious to him that she needed a few moments of rest. Not too long, of course, just enough for her to regain equanimity.

He watched her huddled form in the darkness as her chest went up and down in a laborious motion to pump air into her lungs. He found himself wondering if it would have been better if she had never been granted any powers at all. She could have lived a mediocre existence without ever having to cross paths with monsters like him or align herself to lost causes such as the Resistance. She wouldn't have been the heroine that she was now, just a bystander caught up in this interstellar war.

A warm, moist hand suddenly grasped his wrist.

He looked down to see Rey on her knees, trying to rise up to her feet.

"Why do you keep sabotaging everything good in your life?"

He moved himself to pry away but she refused to let him go.

"Why?"

"You're raving."

"Your father gave you a chance and now I am too. But you never take it."

"I told you to get up."

"Why won't you _answer_?"

"If you don't want me to assist you, I'll stop."

She shut her eyes and bowed her head in exhaustion. Then one by one, her fingers slipped away from him and fell, defeated, onto the grass.

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.oOo.

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A series of roughly hewn crystals lay on black velvet, glistening in various colours under the harsh fluorescent lights. Kylo Ren's eyes swept over them in appraisal whilst the merchants nervously awaited his verdict.

"Where does this come from?" His gloved hand pointed to one with a scintillating emerald hue.

"The forests of Christophsis, Supreme Leader." A merchant answered in a respectful undertone before adding, "Everything you see before you is the best of our stock. We reserve only the finest for the First Order."

"And the Jedi as well." Kylo Ren pointedly glanced at him.

The merchant coloured in embarrassment whilst his colleagues shifted uncomfortably from where they stood. "Those were different times when the Jedi were more prominent than they are now." He answered as steadily as his voice would allow. "But during the days of the Empire, we were in the service of your late grandsire, the esteemed Darth Vader."

Clearly, the mention was made in a deliberate attempt to flatter.

"Mm." Kylo Ren carelessly plucked a crystal with the jewelled undertones of a pomegranate then set it down in disinterest. It had been satisfyingly heavy and would have taken Rey a high number of visits to earn that particular one. The colour notwithstanding, it was simply unsuitable.

He passed all others that had any shade of blue to them, finding them far too predictable. Yellow provoked scorn and whilst amethyst was striking, he gave up on that one too. If there was a shade to signify Rey, purple would not have been it.

Then he came across the whites. They were crystallised stars against the velvet; a cold ascetic beauty in which form was intact and not lost in a swirl of colour. He picked up a good-sized piece, judging it about mid-weight and the right size. It would materialise into a blade of pure light, a snow-white ray lit within the darkness of the universe. If she was to kill him one day, it would only be appropriate to give her a weapon as beautiful as this one.

"I'll take it."

"As you wish, Supreme Leader."


	5. Summer II

Hux raised a brow. He turned over the pages of the latest financial documents and thumbed the printed numbers in perplexity.

The funds that Kylo Ren—the damn fool—spent were enough to purchase half of an army. An entire platoon of tracker ships. Perhaps a fleet. The comparisons were endless. And all for what? Kyber crystals. As far as Hux knew, there were no new plans for death stars so why would Ren waste this many resources—

He crushed the paper in a shaking fist.

There was no rhyme or reason to anything that the First Order did anymore, not since the death of the first Supreme Leader. Snoke had brought order, Ren heralded chaos and Hux no longer felt like the first general of a great army but a sulking excuse for a man. The authority and rank he wielded were no true shields against Ren's irascibility; it couldn't protect him then and certainly not now. One day soon, it would be his mutilated body lying in the throne room and no one would be in doubt as to who the murderer was.

He was not a man gifted with the force but he wasn't stupid. He could see through a lie and knew the girl was not to blame yet he had no proof. Only intuition told him a true usurper wouldn't run but stake a claim. The Resistance should have broadcasted all over the universe of their victory. Their Jedi had bested the First Order's ruler yet they remained silent and silence spoke volumes.

Hux couldn't understand it. Kyber crystals, what for?

He rolled it over his mind. There was an answer in this pattern of Ren's behaviour, he was certain. Crystals were energy in tangible form, the lifeblood of death stars, and cores of lightsabers.

Lightsabers.

And there, in his already blackened heart, a seed of malice took root.

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.oOo.

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There came a time when it was too much for him to bear.

Gesture by gesture, embrace within embrace, he became disassembled by her.

She had been right of course. Every day she was getting stronger and her progress brought him no advantage. It was the equivalent of training his own murderer on how to destroy him in the most complete fashion. Had his generals and armies knew of what he was doing….well, what did it matter? He was king in all but name. Whatever he said, anything he willed, would be done. He had made her the exception to the rule, believing that one day she could be convinced his empire was for her. If she had asked him to break open his chest, give her his crown, or surrender his sword at her feet he would have done it. The galaxies would be at her fingertips; every star and planet within her grasp. He would have given her a true home where she could sleep at night in peace and a family who would not abandon her.

All she had to was ask. But she never would and he knew it.

He watched her as she practised, her feet spinning around him as her staff swung in graceful pendulated motions. Her hair was coming loose; the wind lifted the hems of her clothes in flutters of white and grey. He could see her so clearly: the head bent down in concentration, a film of sweat on her brow, her lips parting as she took a breath in. He had never seen anything so lovely and he had never wanted her more than this moment.

An ugly compulsion to _take_ shot through him.

What a weak excuse of a Sith lord he was for not being able to claim what was his. These last few months had been a waste of time, a chase being dragged out for naught. Even now, he could find out where she really was. He could keep her. _Have_ her at any time of the day he wanted. He could crown her as his queen, coerce all to acknowledge her as his rightful consort, make her bear his children, force her to love him. To _make_ him the centre of her world and her only reason to live as she had become to him. Who else had the power to match his than her? Who else could understand what it was to know the force like he did? The light and the dark. Life and death.

Yet she, who loved open skies and green, would never be happy living in sterile fortresses. She breathed and thrived in light. And what she wanted was a future surrounded by it. A happiness untainted by darkness where she would regain a semblance of completeness. The vision of her in sunlight haunted him still. Nothing that he could offer would make that into a reality.

"That's enough."

Rey's feet slowed to a halt. Warily, she looked up at him.

Kylo Ren's black robes swept over the grass in time with his long strides as he walked over to her.

She wondered if he could see the hills behind her, hear the waterfalls that roared beside them or even feel the summer sun on his back. It lit his dark hair in a kind of strange, burnt glow. What a dark mockery of an angel he made. She waited for his next request, wondering what it would be this time. A kiss? Another show of her naked body?

Wordlessly, he stretched out his gloved hand and opened his fist to reveal a beautiful Kyber crystal. It glittered and shone with an ethereal light against the dark palm of his hand. She stared at him in bemusement.

"Your crystal." He tossed it for her to catch and without waiting for her response, he turned on his heel to go.

"Wait, this is more than what we—"

"—the debt has been paid." He cut her off. He refused to look at her. "From now on, we're even. The next time we meet, I won't be so patient with your sloppy footwork like Luke was. We fight to die. Do you understand?"

A tense silence followed. Taking it as a sign of her acknowledgement, he continued to walk on in order to return to his own plane of reality. Where there were armies at his command, planets to tremble before him, galaxies to rule. Her absence could be countered with power and his throne; it would enough of a consolation on the loss. He would survive this. He could live with her being his enemy so long as they existed. And maybe one day—and God, he hoped it would be soon—he could bring himself to take her life.

Rey's arm shot out to grip his.

"Is that it?" She was incredulous.

"Let go of my arm."

"You're just going to _walk away?_ After what you made me do for you?"

Wordlessly, he flung her hand aside and concentrated on tearing apart their connexion when he saw her block his path.

"Stand aside," he threatened quietly.

"No."

"I'm not going to ask you twice."

"Then you'll just have to deal with me," she snapped.

"What more do you want? You have your crystal—"

She threw it at him, causing the precious gem to hit his chest and bounce off until it hit the long grass. Fury bubbled and rose within him as he slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. He should have known better. She was no woman but an ungrateful child. He had overestimated her. She had no concept let alone appreciation of the rare, priceless power imprisoned within that crystal and he had practically given it to her on a silver platter. What could he have expected of a person who had grown up with nothing?

"You," Rey raised a finger to make a point, "you think I wanted this? That I wanted to be connected to you in this way? I never asked for it. But for better or for worse, it happened anyway and you _do not_ just get to come into my life, screw it up, and leave for me to deal with it on my own. That's not fair."

"You can't save me." There, he said it. No more pretences this time, he would only give her the truth. Perhaps this would stop whatever foolish schemes she had concocted in her mind to try and persuade him that it wasn't too late.

"You won't even let me _try_." She was so angry. "Why did you...why did you do it? Why did you really want me to make those deals with you?"

"Because I believed I could convince you that I was worthy." He responded savagely. _For you. For the future you wanted. For my empire._

 _"By making me undress in front of you?"_

 _"_ Fine," he spat, "I don't want to do this anymore because it's making you into a whore and leaving me even worse off than before. So get out of my way and let's be done with it."

"Damn you." Rey's voice rose to a shout.

"Don't pin this all on me." He narrowed his eyes. "You put us in this stalemate. You won't admit it to yourself that you want me. You might even love me. But you, you keep holding onto your Jedi sensibilities and compulsion to be _noble_ —you deny everything and pretend it isn't real because you think it's somehow not right that you should be with someone like me. You keep pushing me back on my side whilst you keep yours. Since that's what you really want, so be it." He lashed out as he stepped towards her. "Tell me you hate me. Say that you can't wait until you get to exact your vengeance on me. For the Resistance. For Luke. Tell me you don't care anything for me—"

She slapped him.

Instinct made him reach for his weapon when he stopped at the sight of her. Her cheeks were flushed; her eyes bright and gleaming with unshed tears.

"Do you think this is easy?" She looked ready to fall apart. "Do you know how it hurts to see you give in to the dark side? _Every time._ "

"It's too late." He wished she had never existed at all. She was creating an even greater wound than the one she gave him in that snowy forest long ago.

Somehow that made her snap.

She lunged at him, smashing her fists against his armoured chest, forgetting that he was much taller and physically stronger than her. Then again she felt something like invincibility too. She scratched at any open flesh she could get at and slapped away his hands when he tried to grab her wrists.

"No!" She shouted. "You're not even giving yourself a chance to know what it's like to be in the light. To give _me_ a chance! _Us!_ " She shoved him. "I deserve to know why! Why?!" Her vision blurred as her tears fell in an unchecked torrent.

"You're just like everyone else," she gasped in between in sobs, " _you leave_."

Somewhere, some chasm where his heart once was, collapsed within him.

Staggering towards her, he threw his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace even as she struggled like a frenzied animal. He would not let her go, not even as she beat his shoulders or dashed her head on his collarbone.

 _"Let—go—!"_

But he wouldn't.

"No," she resisted against him, " _no you're not—"_

"I can't be the man that you want me to be. Darkness is a part of me just as much as the light is a part of you. Even if I were to turn, it would only be for your benefit. I can't give you all the things that someone else could." He pressed his lips against her hair. "I didn't know what else to do."

Her grip slackened.

"But I couldn't accept the thought of another building a future with you."

Her hands unfurled out of their fists then slid down his forearms in defeat. Her mind was in disarray, overwhelmed. Anguished by her confusion, she let her head fall forward onto his chest.

"You're so selfish." She whispered.

"Forgive me." He fell to his knees like a penitent knight before his queen.

His hand reached out to cradle her freckled cheek as he caught her mouth in a remorseful kiss. She pulled at his hair as she looped her arm around his neck to bring him close as he trailed his hands down her back and hips in worshipful fashion.

They stayed in a locked embrace, letting their breaths slowly become one as they slipped off their clothes and sank to the ground. Forcing her knees apart, he ground against her as he enclosed a fist in her hair and lowered his lips to meet hers.

Emboldened, she reached down and heard his breath stop midway but when her fingers began to tease him out, his hand shot out to grab her wrist. Forcefully he made her turn and encircling an arm over her chest, he gripped her to him as he slid an intrusive hand between her legs. He groaned against her temple when he pushed himself in and clamped a hand over her mouth, letting her keen into his palm. She buckled forward, feeling winded and impaled but he gave her no time to adjust. His thrusts were now coming in a hard, unforgivingly fast pace. She reached out to hold onto the grass, a stalk of a flower, the grey stones, anything to stabilise herself as she teetered on the edge of pain but he was relentless.

She could feel him panting hard along the back of her neck with every pulse as he held onto her. His knuckles whitened as his fingers enfolded over hers and his teeth bruised into the skin along with a vow.

 _Swear to me._

She gasped as his body met hers in a hit. "I want—" she shut her eyes, unable to hear or think. "—come with me—come back with me—"

 _My throne for you._

"Yes," she arched her back against him.

 _Swear it._

"I swear…." she clasped her hand into his as she fell into eternity.

 _Mine._

The word resonated in the dark as he came. Biting back the rising groan in his throat, he pushed deeply into her until their hips met skin-to-skin, struggling to revel in the feeling of her body tightening over his, then suddenly convulsed over her. The world around him brightened to a green verdure as he felt a cool mist from nearby waterfalls swath his face. He fell back, stunned, and after a while numbly realised where she was.

The lake country. Naboo.

With trembling hands, he reached out for Rey and grasped her tired body to him, letting her head rest against chest as they lay entwined, utterly spent as they breathed in paradise.


	6. Fall I

"A new game, I think."

Hux set his jaw as he watched the chess pieces on the board retreat to their default positions on their own accord. It seemed to amuse Ren by forcing his top general to condescend to this game every time they met and the irony of the selection was not lost on Hux. This was a play on strategy and by beating him every time, Ren was reminding him of his inherent superiority.

Hux could not help but grimace as he watched Ren sit before his checkered plan looking thoroughly relaxed, even content. The fact that he was still waging a full scale campaign on the galaxy seemed to be of no concern to him.

"Choose a side." Ren ordered.

Hux cast a thoughtful glance at the board. "Black."

"That leaves me white." Ren tapped the crown of the king piece as he leant back in his chair.

"We play to win?" Hux confirmed. "No quarter or prisoners."

Ren opened up his hand in a gesture of invitation then reached out to move forward a pawn.

The game progressed in quick fashion with only the sound of the pieces clinking against the tiles. Hux had his pawn inch ahead, Ren let one of his knights jump out, he advanced another pawn in turn only to have him glide a right bishop along. The general scanned the board, looking for a loophole. Having watched Ren play this game for so long, he knew his signature moves. Lately he had favoured using the queen. Hux had seen him beat a few other admirals with this particular piece to check the enemy king. If he could get the queen away from him, Hux reasoned, it would cripple him.

"I have been informed that we recently purchased quite a surplus of Kyber crystals," Hux remarked as Ren took out his other knight. "May I ask why, Supreme Leader?"

"I'm not used to having my decisions being questioned, General."

Hux traversed his left bishop in five squares. He was treading on dangerous ground now. He had to be careful. "The death star already has more than enough. Surely there was no need."

"I have other uses for them." Ren merely answered once he claimed one of Hux's pawns with his knight.

"Does it have to do with taking out the Resistance?" Hux surveyed him closely. "The girl is a formidable enemy now. I do not believe it is wise to keep her unchecked for this long."

He paused. He knew exactly what path to take. Ren's queen was open for taking. All he needed to do was move his bishop and she would be his.

"Go on." Ren quietly goaded. There was a hint of metal in those words, along with a real threat and promise that it would be carried out.

In trepidation, Hux guided the black bishop across the board and knocked away the white queen. Ren watched him even as he closed his fingers over the fallen queen and carried her over to his side. Without lifting a finger, Ren had his bishop glide along in the piece's wake.

"Check."

Hux flicked his king forward and immediately regretted it.

The quiet lasted for a few seconds then all of the sudden, Ren unleashed the force.

It was a mere fraction but it was enough to grip Hux's lungs. For one as powerful as he, his force was as oppressive as a heavy wall pressed on top of one's chest. He watched in distaste as Hux panted and struggled for breath then after a long minute had passed, he tempered the force and retracted it. Immediately Hux relaxed back into his chair, exhausted. Beads of sweat studded his forehead as though he had spent a day in the desert heat.

"Leave the girl to me and never question my authority again." Ren ground out. " Is that understood?"

Defeated and humiliated, Hux could barely raise his head. "...yes."

Ren's hand stretched out, casting shadows over the board as he lifted his white knight. "I can't hear you."

Hux clenched his armrests. "I understand, Supreme Leader."

Ren set down the final piece with a resounding tap.

"Checkmate," his voice echoed, "General."

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With Rey, it was always a struggle.

She contradicted him into nightly debates about Jedi principles, was slow to embrace fighting forms that were unconventional, got frustrated by his refusal to run away with her to the resistance, and fought with him in bed. Amidst the tangle of limbs, he strained to catch her mouth in a heated kiss or bend her body to his then she would resist to take hold of him herself and fuck him in the way she wanted.

The fall to love was more of a stumble than a true surrender. Then again, theirs was not the easiest of relationships to understand. They argued, compromised, embraced, worked in pushes and pulls. There was little equilibrium.

"Did you really mean it?" She asked him one day. "When you promised you would give up the First Order for me?" Her inquiry was tilted in skepticism as though she could not quite believe it. He realised then that she was not used to being given anything.

"I'll always want power." He warned her. "I need it."

She fell into a contemplative silence then offered, "Well what if you could have a bit of both?"

"It's you or nothing." He refused to countenance anything less.

"No, that's not what I meant." She was annoyed by his misinterpretation. "Let's be clear. The First Order is too big and strong. The Resistance is small but disruptive and not easy to take out. You know it's true." She added, seeing the indignation rise in him. "So why don't we come into an accord? Give the galaxies a choice. Let each planet choose whether or not to be governed by the Republic or ruled by the First Order. Neither side will attack each other's territories."

"This is ridiculous." He scoffed.

"Why?"

"Peace doesn't work in such simple ways."

"Oh, and your way does?" She challenged him. "Have you ever thought about why people hate the First Order or the Empire before that? It's because you terrorise them into giving you what you want. If you actually tried governing fairly, you wouldn't have so many rebels. You'd have supporters."

"The generals won't go for this."

Rey raised a brow. "I thought you were the Supreme Leader. You could make them agree, can't you?"

"My mother would refuse on principle." He pointed out, deciding to ignore her cast of doubt on his command. "She….always believed in the Republic. She won't settle for anything less."

"Just like you." She could not help but remark on the irony.

"Like me." He admitted.

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He could remember the day he was allowed to manipulate the force without restraint and when he boarded his first fighter-ship. The exilihiration he felt then was ineffable.

To all that, he would look up sometimes and catch her glance then her smile.

He was the older one, the more experienced. A man trained in both Jedi and Sith ways. Yet here he was, willing to lay the galaxy at her feet for a mere touch, a look, to reassure him that she loved him.

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"It isn't going to work, it's too much of a concession." His agitation distorted throughout their link, causing their surroundings to blur.

"Don't do this, Ben. Not now."

He shook his head. "This isn't going to play out like you think it is."

She could not bear hearing Luke's defeatist attitude from him so she got right up to her feet and seized his wrist, forcefully guiding his hand to her belly.

"If you won't do it for me, will you do it for them?"

She watched a rush of emotions flicker across his face and felt them rise in a high tide when he sensed a pair of hearts beating through the skin. He could not look at her, he was not the kind of man who was free with sentiment, and when he finally did manage to, his eyes appeared as though they beheld the world for the first time.

"How long…." He was at a loss as to what to say. He had never dared to dream to be in the position he was in now. When Snoke took him, he had been prepared for an existence absent of creature comforts and deviated from normalcy. These were the necessary sacrifices to be the kind of ruler as Vader once had been and that had been his folly. No, he would be different. This time he would win and get the girl. Her condition was proof enough that his triumph was all but complete. He would make her vision come true and his as well.

"For a few weeks. I wanted to tell you, don't look so upset. I wasn't sure until now."

"You're happy about this." He observed in wonder.

"...I am."

His palm spread across her abdomen, trailing his fingers along the fabric of her clothes.

"Because," he heard her murmur as she drew him close, "it means there's still hope for you."

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When Kylo Ren met with his regular council, there was nothing to suggest that the matters he would put forward would be any different than what was previously discussed. The generals leaned back in their fine chairs, prepared to listen, and came away afterwards shell-shocked. All the years in which they had dedicated their lives towards the First Order had risen to an alarming climax in which the result could only lead to an explosion.

They knew that their new Supreme Leader was young and impulsive but his battle prowess and strength seemed to be acceptable counterweights to such faults. But this….this was something else entirely. An alliance with the Resistance? Letting star systems choose between Republic or First Order rule? Sharing command?

"This is not the time to falter!" Hux slammed a fist onto the table to stop the sea of voices swelling in panic and protest. He angrily surveyed the collective that had gathered in the council hall after Kylo Ren had left. "What we just heard is preposterous. We cannot idly sit by and watch an upstart dismantle decades of effort. It is an injustice!"

A chorus of voices murmured in agreement but were shuttered into silence when an aged admiral ventured: "So what do you propose, General? How do we convince the Supreme Leader to drop his scheme?"

"Ren cannot be persuaded," Hux snapped, "it's long past that now. He won't listen to reason and I know why. He has been seduced by that woman from the Resistance and I have it on good authority that they have been in communication with each other for some time."

In the dimly lit room, everyone shifted in their chairs to look at him.

"A woman?" Another general repeated in incredulity.

"She is Luke Skywalker's apprentice." Hux spat out the infamous name in disgust, causing a frisson of horrified silence to follow in the wake of this startling announcement. "It does not surprise me that Ren would fall for such cheap tricks. He has been fixated on her from the start and because of it, we failed our mission in finding Skywalker before the Resistance did."

When no one countered him, Hux went on, encouraged by their complicity to listen.

"Why do we continue to follow a leader who can be so easily swayed? Who wastes our resources on needless pursuits? His own ancestors wiped out the empire, who is to say that he won't do the same to us? This plan of his is proof of it. We are now but a cadre of men beholden to a madman who is in turn dominated by a woman. _He is not fit to rule!"_

Nearly all of the table submitted loud appraisals with only a few letting their voices rise in discontent.

"That sounds all very well, Hux," a vice-admiral said, having none of it, "but you seem to forget that our Supreme Leader is gifted with the force and consequently, he is a powerful man. To the best of my knowledge, you are neither. So how exactly are we to remove him from the throne? Unless, are you proposing to take him down yourself?"

A few dark laughs reverberated in the room but Hux was unmoved by their mockery.

"No," he answered, "we will defeat him together. He does not own _my_ armies nor _your_ ships, Admiral, or _your_ fleet, General." He glanced at the air-force commander. "He is the Supreme Leader in name only. Without us, he has nothing. Not even Vader could have single-handedly stopped his entire forces alone."

"But Ren _is_ his grandson." The vice-admiral testily pointed out. "If he finds out about what you're planning….he will have our heads."

"Not if I get his first." Hux promised with malevolence. "You would be reassured to know that Ren himself taught me how you can weaken a king in a variety of ways."

"And what way, precisely, are you going?" The admiral did not look convinced.

"It's quite simple," Hux cruelly smiled. "You take away the queen."


	7. Fall II

"Are you sure this is going to work?"

A series of heads simultaneously turned to Hux in trepidation from their seats at the long table; an emotion he found utterly distasteful given the circumstances. How an immature Sith lord could reduce a formidable group of seasoned generals into a pack of mice was beyond him.

"Ren may have the force at his side but that does _not_ make him omnipotent," he sounded superbly confident, "now for the last time, do you all understand my orders?"

"If you are the least bit uncertain, I am warning you," the vice-admiral levelled his gaze with him, "the price of your failure will cost us everything."

"Not if you do exactly as I tell you." Hux countered. "I ask again: do you all understand my orders?"

Each of the men responded that he did and when it was the admiral's turn, he gave only a curt nod as an acknowledgement.

"Good." Hux's grey eyes coolly swept over them, satisfied. "As I said, keep yourselves away from Ren and send the subordinates to serve him in your stead. Do not tell them your whereabouts. Lie, if you must. Then on my signal, have your men carry out the execution."

"And where will you be?" The admiral asked.

"Paying a visit to an old friend," Hux glanced at the bay windows where he could see a panoramic view of the stars, "my scouts have tracked her location and I'd prefer to reach her before this ridiculous meeting Ren set up with the Resistance. If I may, Admiral, there is one other thing I'd like your lieutenant to do for me when he is sent to Ren."

He slipped a hand into his breast pocket and withdrew an ivory chess piece then laid it on the table surface as the admiral peered forward for a closer look. A queen's crown gleamed under the lights, reflecting a curved black and blue world.

"We don't have time for theatrics," the admiral was impatient, "what on earth is this for?"

"Call it a parting gift for our Supreme Leader." Hux gestured to the table. "He always fond of playing games with me. It's time I returned the favour. Kindly have your man pass it on, would you?"

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"You can't be serious."

A group of familiar faces awash in blue film stonily gazed out at Rey as she sat in front of the holoscreen. She swallowed hard as she met their eyes, each and every one of them, with as much stoicism as she could manage.

"Are you out of your _mind?_ " She heard Poe burst out as he rose from his seat at the council table, unable to believe what he heard and he wasn't the only one. Abject revulsion was plain on Finn's face and everyone else wore the same expression of disbelief. The singular exception to this chain reaction was Leia who merely studied her with a measured look as though she was concentrating on every word that passed from Rey's lips then carefully weighing them over.

"It's the best offer we've gotten since this whole thing started." Rey remained firm in spite of feeling increasingly desperate as doubt closed in on her.

"And it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Poe furiously denounced. "Did you forget that these are the same people who tried to take us out one by one not that long ago? You expect us to actually sit down to talks with them? We'd be idiots to agree! It's suicide!"

"No one will be harmed," Rey repeated into the screen, balling her hand into a fist. "Kylo Ren personally guaranteed—"

"Yeah, he gave you his word," the derision was unmistakable in Poe's voice, "like that's good enough."

"He swore it," Rey said, her eyes flickering over to Leia, hoping she would say something but she remained silent.

"On what?" Poe demanded. "Why is he coming up with this idea in the first place? What's in it for him?"

Finally, Finn spoke up and when he did, he didn't miss a beat. "You never told us how he found you out, Rey. How has he been contacting you this whole time?"

Everyone turned to her for an answer but it didn't take long for Finn to realise he didn't need one. Slowly, he ventured further, knowing he was treading on dangerous ground. "Poe's right. This isn't something Kylo Ren would've agreed to unless there was something he could get out of it." He paused. "So what exactly did you promise him?"

Unconsciously, Rey's hand went over to her stomach. She didn't know how much they would be able to handle. How much could she say without having them shut down on her? Persuading an alliance out of them was one thing but to admit _this_ would be tantamount to collusion. They would not see it any other way.

"Me." She replied. It wasn't the most forthcoming truth but the simplest she could think of.

"You?" Finn repeated.

"Yes."

"What does that even mean?" He stared at her, not quite registering the implication of her response.

"As part of agreeing to the truce, I'm going with Ben."

The atmosphere of the conversation changed in an instant. Where seconds before, it had been heated and intense, a cold silence descended upon everyone in the wake of her announcement. She avoided looking at Leia, feeling an enormous weight of guilt suddenly falling on her shoulders. Poe, at a loss for words, turned this way and that as if to look for someone to say something but no one dared to speak.

"Rey."

She glanced up to see Finn leaning closer to the screen.

"Whatever deal he has with you, he's not going to follow through," he told her in all seriousness, "you have to understand that people in the First Order are always going to think about themselves first and foremost. They'll say and do anything to get you to do what they want."

"You don't know." She so wished at that moment they could be alone without the entire Resistance command listening in on every word. "This time it's different."

"Are we talking about the same guy?" Poe snapped out of his shocked reticence. "The one who killed an entire camp of refugees on Jakku and tortured me?"

"And took out Han." Another voiced out the infamous crime, sparking a wave of mutters and looks of deep sadness around the table. " _His own father._ "

"And Luke."

"And he almost killed me." Finn's eyes darkened. "He's not going to change, Rey. You're never going to get him back to our side. Don't you get it? He's playing you so he can get a chance to knock down the Resistance."

" _No_ ," Rey denied with such vehemence that everyone raised their brows, "it's not like that."

"But how can you be so sure?"

"Look, I know it's a mad plan and how this sounds to you. All of you. I also know it's not easy but I need you to trust me. We can't keep running and hiding. We have to make a stand again instead of looking for another war. Too many people have lost their lives already for the Resistance and we can't afford to lose anymore." She shook her head at the enormity of the cost that had brought them to this. How many pilots and soldiers had sacrificed themselves for this little band of rebels listening to her now? "I've been on Naboo for months now and I can't get anyone to listen to us. Everyone is either too afraid or think we're a lost cause. We have to do something productive and these peace talks are the closest thing we've had to that in over a year."

"Kylo Ren doesn't want peace, Rey." Finn gazed at her with a mixture of both cynicism and pity. "The future that he wants isn't the same as what we've all been fighting for and what you're hoping it to be."

"He doesn't have a choice to consider the alternatives." She thought about the children within her and the vow he had made to her in blood. _My throne for you._ She had sworn herself already and done her part.

Now it was up to him to do the same.

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When Ren tried to remember the weeks that followed, it was like looking through a kaleidoscope of images crystallised with colour. He recalled seeing indigo night skies and feeling Rey lean back into his arms as she traced out constellations with her finger, wondering if he was orbiting one of the stars she saw. The Naboo sun bleeding into the horizon in trails of purple and rose-gold as he walked through each form with her surrounded by hills resplendent in greenery. Listening to her pushy arguments about continuing their training even as her belly began to swell and it was no longer practical. Their days passed in a sweet routine where her face was the first thing he saw upon waking and he was the last when she fell asleep, a consequence of their perceptions of each other being stronger than ever before. She only had to take one look to know what he was feeling and he merely could step forward then find himself in the lake country.

Why he had not been able to guess earlier that this was her refuge was beyond him. The number of times Leia had taken him here….it was a world of perpetual beauty, where he had spent many summers treading the lake's waters and flying through blue skies. Those memories were the closest things he had to a semblance of a happy childhood. He himself could not have chosen a better place for the children's birth and even said as much to Rey.

"You have to stay here."

It had been the solstice, a few weeks after he had had his last council with the generals and laid out the foundations of what he believed to be the new order. The moment he had locked himself in his chambers, his black walls melted away to reveal Rey sitting at a calm spot where she could watch the sunset on the lake. Her hair was loose, awash in the sun as she languidly threaded her fingers through it. Her gaze was cool and unaffected then hardened when she heard his demands.

"But the alliance was my idea!" She slapped her hand on the grass in indignation as she rose to her feet, trampling on the wildflowers that swayed around them in the breeze. "I have a right to be there."

"My mother hasn't even accepted the invitation yet," he was annoyed by her lack of foresight. "You didn't contact her earlier to discuss the plan either."

"I was going to! But….well…." Rey mulishly trailed off.

"You didn't tell her." Ren guessed in a flat voice. "About me."

"No." She admitted.

"Or that you're pregnant."

"No."

"And that you joined me."

"I didn't 'join' you, I am _working_ with you." She snapped. "There's a difference."

"I see." Ren cuttingly replied. "So you're just going to show up at the Resistance base with our children in tow? Is that your plan?"

"No—!" She reached out to clutch his arm. "But you need me there. We _have_ to work together."

"I agree, but not in this way." His hand enclosed over his before it dropped to her abdomen. "I can't promise that my men won't want to start a fight nor can you guarantee that the rebels will come in peace. Do you honestly think I'm going to let you walk into a room with people who'll kill each other the moment they meet?"

"I already swore to you I'd be with you. What more do you want? What else do I have to give you?" Rey gazed at him, unnerved by a momentary gleam of scarlet in his eyes and the shadow that passed over his face. "Don't escalate things any more than they need to be."

"I'm not a child!" He flung her hand aside.

"It wouldn't be the first time you've acted like one." Her temper flared. "It's a lot to ask of the Resistance to meet with you. People _died_ because of your stupid First Order and the Empire before that. They sacrificed themselves so that their children could have a fighting chance to live as they want to and they'll want assurances. They've been rebelling for decades now and it's going to take a lot more than one talk to get them to agree so don't scream and shout if things don't go your way because I can _promise_ you, it won't the first time."

" _Don't._ "

She could feel his anger surge to an all-time high as its frightening vibrato hummed in dangerous overtones throughout their bond.

"I am trying to keep you _safe!_ " His voice rose to a shout. "You keep thinking your life can be given up to anyone or anything, Rey. It's mine too now and if something should happen…." He turned away, refusing to even dwell on the possibility. He _would not_ allow himself to make the same mistake that Vader made. There was just too much at stake now. He closed his hand into a fist. "I'm not going to apologise for this."

She looked at him in confusion then as soon as he reached out to her in a familiar gesture, her expression quickly turned into outrage.

" _You will stay in Naboo."_ Ren's voice reverberated in a strange echo as she felt her body tighten in an unnatural hold. _"You will not leave the planet or come anywhere near First Order fleets."_

She couldn't believe it even as she felt her physical form become enwrapped in the force and although she retained freedom of movement as well as thought, she could feel an invisible tether tying her to the very earth that she stood on. The sky was no longer an open heaven but a limited horizon of blue.

"How _dare_ you." Her eyes were full of blame.

"I'm doing this for your own good." Ren turned to go. "You'll thank me later."

"Ben!" She struggled to follow him but something was compelling her to stay behind.

"When this is over," he promised as he willed the connexion to seal off, "I'll come back for you."

" _Ben!"_

He could still hear her calling for him and willfully resisted the urge to look back at her, even as the sun faded into darkness and the green hills reddened into the familiar halls of his throne room. He did not know then nor could he have foreseen that it would be the last time he would see her alive ever again.


	8. Winter

**A/N:** _Thank you_ Readers _for your comments and support! One more to go_...

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*~.oOo.~*

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The room that his staff had chosen and prepared seemed fit enough, Ren thought as he sat at the head of the meeting table and his soldiers kept watch along with the admiralty lieutenants. What had once been Snoke's private study had been quickly converted to an antechamber though it had not lost any of its former magnificence. Amber marble with black basalt trim covered the walls and floor, lending an air of dark elegance. A long obsidian table with high chairs made of the same stone had been arranged at the far side of the room so that the occupants could look out to a panoramic view of starry space.

More than once, he had to check himself to not drum his gloved fingers along the polished surface as he waited for the remainder of his generals and the Resistance party to arrive. Had he been a man who believed in miracles, he would have considered the Resistance's consent as nothing short of divine intervention and was stunned when the acceptance message indicated that Leia herself would be arriving with a small entourage. He had thought his mother would send someone else in her stead, a low-ranking officer like that annoyingly rash fighter-pilot but her presence alone spoke volumes.

Somehow, whatever Rey had said, had been enough to convince her to come. He was glad she was not here otherwise she would have been able to sense his disquiet. Nor could she reach out to him through their connexion ever since he had temporarily sealed it off. He could still feel her raging against the close like someone pounding on a shut door but her anger was the least of his worries.

What on earth could he say to Leia? The last time they had seen each other was when he had left with Luke all those years ago. Now he only had a span of a few hours to tell her….what? That he was sorry? That she would be a grandmother in a few months' time? It sounded just as absurd in thought as it would be if he had said it out loud.

"Supreme Leader," one of his guards spoke, "the Resistance fleet just docked. General Organa and her team are being escorted now."

 _Mother._

It had been so long. The pace of the minutes seemed too slow as he counted each one out and gazed at the doors from which she would appear, preparing for the inevitable. He glanced at the empty chairs beside him.

"The Admirals are late." He warningly remarked to the lieutenants who had nervously gathered behind him as they awaited their own superiors. "And so is Hux."

"They're coming, my lord." One of the more senior lieutenants was quick to reassure him.

"Yes, you said that already," Ren put his hands on the table's edge as he rose from his seat, "over half an hour ago."

The lieutenant swallowed hard in nervousness as Ren bore down on him from his much taller height.

"Supreme Leader, I am sure they are on their way—"

He barely had time to finish his apologies when his entire body flew straight towards Ren's awaiting hand and was caught by the throat. The rest of the lieutenants backed away as far as the room would allow, looking utterly terrified.

"There's something you're not telling me." Ren gazed at the struggling man as he resisted the force's grip. "Where. Are. They?"

" _I don't_ —" the lieutenant gasped. _"I don't know_ —!"

"Where are they?" Ren demanded, his wariness spiking up as he acutely felt the commanders' absences. They were nowhere near the dreadnought and he could no longer sense their collective presence. _They were not on the ship._ Which meant….

"When did they leave?" He asked in a dangerous voice.

" _Supreme Leader, please, I swear_ —!"

"WHEN?!" Ren bellowed, closing in on him and watching the face purple in exertion until he heard a definitive snap as the force broke the lieutenant's neck. At once he lowered his hand, letting the body drop to a sickening thud on the floor as the remaining officers and guards looked on in horror when he heard an odd sound of something metallic rolling along marble.

Gazing down, Ren saw a white chess piece glistening against the amber and when he reached down to pick it up and examine it on close inspection, his heart nearly stopped. The queen's crown laid on his palm like a fallen figure of defeat. This was no coincidence. The message and implication were as clear as day.

 _Rey._

Reacting on instinct, he spun around on his heel and surged across the room, blowing apart the doors to an open as he stormed down the corridors. He seized his lightsaber and flashed it open when he heard a cacophony of blasters going off in the distance followed by incomprehensible shouting. Rushing towards the sounds, he sprinted to the docks, pushing past confused stormtroopers and striking his sword at any officer who tried to stop him.

He knew he had been betrayed and by who, he didn't even have to guess. The very thought of Hux nearly sent him in a mad fury. What he would do when he got his hands on that worthless cretin...

Ren nearly slipped as he skidded over the body of a fallen First Order soldier and when he looked up he realised it was but one of many corpses strewn about the landing. Stormtroopers. Resistance armed guards, he recognised the unmistakable Rebellion seal, and a woman in grey senatorial robes lying in a pool of blood—

A shot rang out and Ren turned, hand outstretched to stop the energy beam in mid-air. To his fury, he found half a battalion of black-uniformed deathtroopers taking aim at him. His own army. He almost didn't register the enormity of their decision to mutiny against him; to think they could be motivated into this _treachery._ Enraged, he threw back the blast at them, only to feel a searing pain below his ribs followed by a quick succession of blows to his shoulder and thigh.

A scarlet wall of energy blasted across the distance and charged straight at him as he deftly manoeuvred around the strikes, flashing his blade against each shot as he walked towards them with murderous intent.

The deathtroopers hurled themselves at him, swinging their blasters left and right but he ran through them, crushing their offensive with savage blows across their lines. Swerving to miss a shot, he veered left then whipped around just in time to parry a strike with his sword.

Pandemonium ensued as Ren blitzed into the fray, sending a cascade of bodies tumbling down and blasters clattering to the ground as he lashed out his lightsaber.

Using the full measure of the force, he sent them flying backwards as they hit against docked ships, the high ceilings, and electrical circuits that shattered into flashes of broken glass upon impact.

Pressing on, Ren darted forward, straining to look for Leia and unlocking his mind as he frantically reached out for Rey in desperation when suddenly, he felt a rush of a foreign anger and confusion. A hot sting of a phantom blast struck his arm, the pain ripping across his skin as the flesh split open.

 _Rey!_

A sickening realisation dawned on him that the connexion felt markedly weaker and more unstable than ever before. He knew she had heard him but she could not reply because her attention had been drawn to something else. She was being attacked and he had left her trapped with no means of escape.

Infuriated with himself, he turned his attention away from the terrible vision just in time to block off the last of the deathtroopers and plunge his lightsaber into the chest, driving it to the hilt before pushing the body off. The corpse broke apart into blackened flesh and dropped to the ground in a smattering of blood as the murderer remained standing.

"Mother!"

Ren clicked off his lightsaber as he raced over to Leia and kneeling down, he gathered her into his arms. She blinked up at him with eyes darkened in pain and distress. Blood trickled from the corners of her mouth as she struggled to breathe and he knew from cruel experience that this was it; she was dying.

"Ben?" Leia whispered.

"Mother," his hand brushed at her braided crown of hair, "I…." he was at a loss as to what to say.

 _I didn't do this._

He bent his head down in grief as his face contorted with raw rage. "I swear I'll find the men who did this to us and kill them. All of them."

But whether or not she heard him, he would never know, for when Ren looked up, Leia's eyes had gone glassy and unfocused. His mother, the warrior-princess of Alderaan, emblematic leader of the Resistance, the love of his father's life, was dead. She had perished not in old age with the crowning glories of her deeds or even in battle but by deception and ambush. It was ignoble. He felt broken as if a part of his heart had shattered into oblivion. The new order had fallen before it had even started. Leia was gone but there was still Hux to contend with and the mere reminder sent him into the lowest of extremes.

But first…

The docked ships swam in front of his eyes then vanished into a black canvas of stars. He could feel the pressure building in his ears as he felt his body travel across time and space as he gave it his all to be in Naboo without a care or thought to what such an act would cost him. He had to find Rey.

 _When this is over, I'll come back for you._

His words haunted him as he called out to her: _Tell me where you are. Rey, are you listening? Are you safe?_

There was nothing. Naboo was out of his reach. _She_ was out of reach. He opened his eyes again and found himself still in the landing dock of his dreadnought with his mother in his arms. Shaken, he set Leia's body down, at a loss as to what to make of the unnatural silence let alone what had happened in the last hour. Rey could not have died, he would have felt it by now, he was certain. But why was she not answering him?

Staggering, he rose and involuntarily doubled over as he felt pain blooming across his chest. Fighting down the impulse to fall, he struck his chest repeatedly to staunch the blood flow and in some sense, punish himself. He could blame his traitorous generals but it was his own blindness that caused this. Why hadn't he been able to foresee this future? How had he missed their treachery?

He let out a shout of frustration as he forced himself to walk away from the carnage around him and struggled toward his jet. He would deal with the rest of his soldiers upon his return. Now, he was hell-bent on getting to Naboo.

If he could not reach her, he had no choice but to go to her.

He had promised.

 _I'm coming Rey,_ he told her as though she could still hear him and prayed that it was the case, _I'm coming back for you._

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*~.oOo.~*

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The dark wings of the TIE silencer cut through the planet's thick cloud cover as it glided down with unearthly speed.

Ren clutched the lever as he felt the ship descend; his agitation growing with every second as he kept his mind blown open and continually called for Rey. But she wouldn't answer and midway through his frantic efforts to reach her, he lost it and smashed his fists on one of the control panels. Where was she now? He desperately wondered. Was she lost? Would he even be able to find her? Was she alone, afraid? Was she searching for him?

When he had seen the majestic outline of Theed rising in the distance, he had been tricked into a false lull that perhaps what he had seen in his vision was a mere delusion created by panic. As he got closer to the lake country, he glimpsed First Order ships and when he that saw one of them was Hux's personal cruiser, his mind went blank with fury then wracked with guilt.

 _I should have had her with me,_ he realised as his jet lowered to the green valley below, _I shouldn't have left her here._

Not even waiting until the landing sequence had been completed, he shot out of the pilot seat and sprinted down the plank as it opened, the ends of his cloak whipping behind him in his wake.

The moment he stepped out, he regretted it.

It was his worst nightmare realised.

For a long minute, his eyes took in the blackened valley and the scattered debris of a fallen ship polluting the lake. White-armoured bodies of faceless soldiers littered the ground like snow against the deadened grass, silent and unmoving. There were scorch marks everywhere from missed aims of blasters, perhaps even a lightsaber countering the hits. There were so many. Too many.

A dread unlike anything he had ever known dropped its terrible weight in his gut as he continued his furious search.

He gritted down on his teeth as he staggered onward, pain spreading to his lower back and legs. His stomach felt so twisted and torn. Quelling his nausea, he spat out blood and forced himself to stand before setting off again.

He could feel his anger rising with every step he took, vowing to kill every single person who was even remotely responsible for this. He would purge his entire army of traitors and if he came across any unlucky stormtrooper who was still alive in this carnage, he would ensure that their death would be a long and painful one.

He ventured further, following a path of destruction where he found uprooted trees and streams marred by bloodied corpses. Once or twice he had to put out a hand against a rock to steady himself when physical exertion was too much to bear. But there was no time to waste. He had to find her.

Somewhere in this valley of shadow and death, Rey was here and he was going to bring her home. He would ensure something like this would _never happen again_ and keep her safe. And their children. Even now, he could still see their future with as much clarity as the day their minds had met across all odds. The force had shown him a resplendent throne room with banners blazed with the imperial and alliance insignias. A great crowd awaited them and looked on in respectful silence as a woman in queenly raiments made her way to the foot of his throne then knelt before him as he laid a crown upon her head. She rose beside him and together with their hands locked, they turned to face their empire.

 _Rey, where are you?_

As he walked, he started conjuring up reasons for why he could not connect with her as easily as he once did. The battle had distracted him and it was likely that she too had dealt with the same circumstance. Perhaps she was hiding away for protection at this very moment. Yes, that must have been it.

A singularly acute ache forced him to pause when he heard a voice from a time long past call to him across the decades.

" _Where is Padme….? Is she safe? Is she all right?"_

Why was he hearing this now? Ren shook his head as if to clear it away from the dark memories that clung to him. Why now? Why was Vader reaching out to him at this moment….?

" _It seems,"_ the ghost of a dead emperor rasped, " _in your anger, you killed her."_

Slowly, understanding coming to him at last, he turned.

She was lying huddled on the forest floor, her white linen robes spread around her in tattered drapes with one hand still clutching her lightsaber and the other protectively spread across her swollen, bloodied abdomen. From his vantage point, he could only see the curve of her cheek and her hair in a swirl of loose waves on the grass. Not far from her was Hux's corpse, sprawled out in a heap with eyes that stared blankly into the heavens and his chest ripped apart by a lightsaber's clean stroke.

He staggered forward, unable to believe what he was seeing, then broke into a run.

He crashed next to her, scattering dirt and ash everywhere as his knees hit the ground and he gathered her into his arms.

"Rey."

He shook her as if to wake her but her head merely flopped to the side. Her hair tangled around his forearm as he ran a gloved hand over her face and came across the singed blow to her chest. One look at the fatal injury was enough to still his own breathing. It could not be. He spread his palm across her belly only to have the limb turn scarlet.

"Rey." He grasped her shoulders. " _Rey!_ "

Panicking, he set her down and tasting copper on his tongue, he twisted to the side and spat. Roughly, he tilted her head back and covered his mouth with hers, breathing hot air in until he choked at the incoherent stream of images that raced through his mind at the touch of her skin. The flash of Rey's lightsaber. Sunlight streaming beneath trees. Hux's blaster poised in the air as she sliced her blade into him. A sharp heat into her heart, burning the life out of her, as her mind swirled in a tempest of regret and sorrow upon realising she had been betrayed.

Bile rose to his lips.

"No," He compressed a fist onto her chest, _willing_ the organ to move again, "no, NO!"

He pushed harder and dived again to breathe into her mouth, furiously waiting for her to gasp back into life. He winced, struggling to ignore his own grievous injury. The lower half of his body was all but screaming at him for rest. When the count got to thirty, he bent down and pressed his lips against her icy ones, now stained crimson with his own blood.

She was going to wake up—she wasn't going to die—not yet—not ever—she was going to wake up now—any second—she was going to be alright—their babies would be safe—he would protect them—they would be a family—he had promised her that—she was going to live—

—because if she didn't—

He gasped as agony seized him by the throat.

—he couldn't go on—

" _Breathe_ ," his fist crumpled upon her lifeless form and the children lying within her, _"breathe."_

—he would fall—

"Rey." He begged.

—and never be whole.

Corrosive rage spilt out of him in an uncontrolled flood of power. He could no longer see what was before him as he lost himself in the wild anger that lit through his body like fire. The loss cut into his heart, tearing asunder the last vestiges of what had made him human and in its place, an ancient darkness flooded it, pushing him over the edge.

Thunder rumbled in the distance as a powerful surge of energy erupted from all corners of the sky.

The surface of the streams rocked back and forth, moving in time as water swelled, rising higher until it came roaring for the shores. It swirled as a whirlwind of air hissed around him; the very elements reacting to his anguish. Ash particles trembled underneath him as the earth shook and the lake danced around him dangerously, lashing out in unpredictable floods. His mind was awash in a red haze of madness and electrified with a savage hunger to kill.

He rocked her in his arms, screaming into her shoulder as excruciating pain ripped through him and split him in two.

What he held was no longer Rey but a broken dream. The light was pulling away and in his paroxysm of grief, he thought he heard the sound of children's laughter fading in the distant gloom. He would never know them let alone their very names. They were gone and she was lost to him, torn by an even greater chasm than the one that had broken apart between them in their first battle. He nearly choked on his anger at her for having robbed him the chance to exact his revenge on Hux, for being too brave, too noble, too much of a Jedi, but most of all, at himself.

" _I didn't betray you,"_ the words were wrenched against his will as he clutched her to him, _"I didn't betray you, Rey."_

The galaxy would answer to him for this, he swore. No one would be safe. Every planet would be at his mercy and all who dared to betray him again would know _true vengeance_.

"I came back for you," he whispered desperately into her hair as blood spilt from his lips, "I promised. So please wake up. _Please_."

He couldn't understand this. He never would. Why, _why_ had the force brought them together only to take her from him? How was this setting the balance right?

In the lifeless silence surrounding him, he thought he heard footsteps and instantly, he lit out his lightsaber as he held onto Rey, determined to not let her go. Half mad, he wildly looked around the dead valley and discovered a masked man in black standing before him as tangible as the grass beneath his knees.

He stared.

Impossible.

Vader's unseeing eyes glared at him, reflecting back a blurred image of Ren holding onto Rey's body; her bloodied clothes cut a curve of white and red in the black.

He grasped her even more tightly as his mind fragmented into a cyclone of fragmentary images. Blood trails. The last breath quietly escaping from Rey's lips as she tried to crawl for safety before giving in into pain and exhaustion. The flicker of two heartbeats as they faded into darkness.

"You're not here. You're not real." Ren lashed out to Vader's ghost. The knuckles on his hands whitened as they clenched over Rey. Ice was flooding through his brain, freezing every sense he had left to him. His eyes went from one side to the other as though he expected Han or Leia to appear but no one else came. There had been a time when he would have given anything to have this kind of commune but he did not want to see this grandparent who had never known him. He wanted his parents. Luke. Rey. All those whom he loved; all those who he had destroyed.

Only the sound of Vader's mechanical breathing passed between them until the shadowed spirit slowly withdrew Ren's old mask from his cloak and held it out to him.

"No," Ren violently shook his head, "you take it and _go._ Just go!"

But Vader remained.

"All I ever wanted was to be you," Ren said savagely, "I dedicated _my life_ to be like you! But not this way! _Not—in—this—way!"_ His voice rose to a scream of fury as he held out Rey's body to him. "Give her back to me, Grandfather."

" _This is your destiny,"_ Vader whispered. The mask in his hand gleamed under the dying sunlight.

" _I saw her future!"_ Ren shouted. "She was supposed to be _with me! We were the rulers,_ not you, not Snoke! She wasn't supposed to die! _So why..."_ He broke down at the sight of Rey and in his crazed state, he did not see Vader approach him and kneel down to his level so he could lay the mask at his grandson's feet.

" _Become what you were meant to be,"_ Vader murmured as he vanished into the past, _"avenge me. Your mother. Yourself….and the woman you loved."_

It was as if he had cursed him.

Dazed, Ren let a hand drop and retrieved the black helmet, dragging it across ash before lifting it to slip on.

The sky began to disappear; what little light was left grew narrower until his world darkened to a permanent black haze and he was left with nothing but the scent of blood. If this was what the force wanted, if this was all that he could live for, he would wreak unparalleled destruction and be death personified. He would blight out the light just as it had destroyed him.

Just as she had left him.

His head fell back and gripping the girl to him, he let out a heartrending scream so that the stars could hear him in the hope that one day, someday, a merciful God would hear his cry and grant his miserable prayer for absolution.

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*~.oOo.~*

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